


Deadly

by place_spaceship



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Idk maybe like everyday people universe?, But is also so close to giving up, Depression, M/M, Mark is only mentioned, Self Harm, Suicide Attempt, Taeyong really wants Yuta, Ten is in love too omg, Ultimate Angst of Doom
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-02-11
Updated: 2017-03-21
Packaged: 2018-09-23 12:57:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 22,807
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9658349
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/place_spaceship/pseuds/place_spaceship
Summary: Taeyong likes to get hurt to forget that Yuta exists.ALSO!!!!! THIS FIC CONTAINS SUICIDE ATTEMPTS! PLEASE DON'T READ THIS IF IT MAY UPSET YOU!





	1. #1

Taeyong's world is cold and crushing. Breaking him in unspeakable ways. He burned all of his bridges, broken every ounce of trust with everyone and himself. Though, the thought of one boy still lingers through the clouded judgement. His childhood friend to whom he owes his life to for saving him from himself on more accounts than one. Yuta was the only person who genuinely cared for Taeyong like a brother. It kills Taeyong knowing that Yuta will never feel the same way for him as he does for Yuta.

The warm street lights whiz him pass as another surge of unexpected pain rushes over him. Running from himself and his regrettable thoughts to a spot in the heart of the city where he could live.

Taeyong stops to breathe. The air feels as light as his head. His freshly dyed black hair gleamed with the headlights of cars around him. He sported one bead of sweat dripping from his temple to the edge of his jaw. The stars in tonight's sky keep him sane, but his mind was slowly falling apart. He can't have Yuta, Yuta wouldn't want him.

Before his thoughts could cluster and start hurting again, he stepped foot on the gravel once more and ran another block. He ran into the wind and it swept up his troubles and left him basking in the moment.

_Take me away, take me far away._

The booming muffled sounds of a club quickly approached. This is his place where he could live. He stops in front of the double glass doors to the club. His heart was racing with excitement. He moves and sits on one of the concrete garden benches next to the door.

He could feel the wind continuously blowing on his face as he caught his breath once again. People's eyes felt heavy on him as he watched them go in and come out of the club. The deep blue accented lighting casted from the inside reflected Taeyong's dark aura. He could feel the thoughts coming back and wanted out, badly. He watched as more people left and found the perfect someone, he looked slightly taller than he was and looked very muscular. He was looking happily intoxicated as well.  _Finally._

Taeyong stood up and straightened his posture. He waited for this mystery man to take steps before pulling his black hoodie over his head and following closely behind. The man sang as he walked in his direction. He hadn't a care in the world. His tall figure and arms were appetising to Taeyong. Anticipation grew. The man was oblivious to Taeyong tailing his every move. They continued past another club and a couple of blocks away to where the was no one else, Taeyong announced his presence with a loud clap.

The man jumped in surprise. He froze for a split-second before turning around to a lanky figure standing in a black hoodie. The face looked like he had a dark past, he was resinating this unsafe aura. Unsafe to himself,

"What are you doing?!" The man's brows knitted together in anger,

Taeyong grinned to himself, "I'll fuck you up old man," He started laughing,

The man laughed as well, "What the fuck?" He took three steps closer to Taeyong, "What was that little boy?" The man was towering over Taeyong.

Taeyong was not scared one bit, "I said," He pushed the man backwards, making him stumble but not fall, "I'll fuck you up,"

Hearing enough, the man walked up again, "Go on then, fuck me up little boy," He laughed as he puffed his chest.

The smaller gave one more laugh before taking a swing the man's chin. To no avail, the man caught Taeyong's fist and sent his own flying into Taeyong's stomach. Taeyong grunted in pain, but sighed in relief. The man picked him up, wrestler style, like Taeyong weighed nothing. Violently, he threw him into the concrete pavement beneath of them. Taeyong was already close to blacking out.

The man straddled his limp body and threw punches to his face. Taeyong felt his breath give in, his mind went blank, his body shut down. Just the way he likes it. This is how he likes living

The man started screaming at the body on the ground, "Don't fuck with me little boy!!!!!! I'll kill you!!!!!"

_Yes, please._

 

_....._

 

_I swear to god if you're doing that shit again, I'll kill you._

Yuta's body was all ready to give up from running so hard for so long but he knew Taeyong was going to pull his stupid stunt again.

He knew the location of the club where Taeyong liked going, he ran furiously there. He met up with Hansol, one of the bouncers,

"Hansol!!!!!!" He screamed as he ran up and stopped to catch his breath,

"You're a bit late, he went that way following some big guy like 10 minutes ago. That's the third time this week, is he alright?" Hansol stood in his position but turning to meet Yuta,

"I have no idea what's going on with him but thanks for telling me!" Yuta set off again,

"Anytime," Yuta probably didn't even hear that, he was long gone.

Yuta ran and ran, passing each closed shop and beginning to worry even more. He passed another club and ran nonstop until he saw feet laying on the ground just off in the distance. He stopped,

_oh please no,_

He took off even faster than he was before. The feet grew closer, and obscuring objects pulled away to reveal a pool of blood flooding from a nose of a boy wearing a black hoodie and everyday track pants.

Yuta dropped to his knees in front of the body,

"TAEYONG!!!!!!!!!!!!!" He screamed in horror, "WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED?!" Yuta couldn't process the sight. His heart started pounding in fear. His mind ran red, he couldn't get his judgement together,

_What do I do?!_

He whipped Taeyong's arm up and pushed the sleeve of his hoodie up slightly, exposing dark brown patches of bruising and cuts on his wrists. Yuta dropped his arm in horror, "Taeyongie!" He started to tear up. The river of emotions was coming down hard on Yuta right now, he couldn't think straight, causing panic and unrest in himself.

_I have to check his pulse!_

He tried not to hurt the bruised area affect his performance as an emergency respondent. Luckily for Yuta and Taeyong's life, the pulse was still there, quite strong too.

"FUCK! I didn't bring my phone! The hospital's way too far away from here," Yuta was still on his knees, he looked up to see the empty streets, merely lit up by the orange street lights placed every 5 meters. He looked back down at Taeyong, "What are we gonna do? Go home?" Yuta's thoughts were scrambling so he had to think fast, "NO! THE CLUB" Yuta clapped his hands as he quickly stood up to dust himself off, and picked up the older like a newly wed couple.

Yuta shed one tear as they walked the way to the club, "Why do you keep doing this? This is the worst one yet," Yuta, started to jog, they approached the club and Hansol was still standing out with no one waiting to go inside,

"Hey! Woah what the fuck happened to him?!" He rushed over to assist Yuta,

"I have no idea, can you call an ambulance please? He needs to be checked," Yuta was almost hysteric, worried sick for his best friend,

"Yeah yeah, Here, put him down on the bench, I'll call an ambulance," Hansol patted Yuta's shoulders as he lay Taeyong down on the bench where he waited for his pray not 20 minutes ago.

"Please don't leave me like this Taeyong,"

 

.....

 


	2. #2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kudos and comments are always welcome. Thanks for reading too, y'all some cool people <3 <3

 

* * *

 

 

_"What are you doing?"_

_"......"_

_"HEY!"_

_"What?! huh?"_

_"....Were you staring at someone?"_

_"NO!"_

_"Oh god, who is it?"_

_"I wasn't staring at anyone!"_

_"Yeah ok, was it him?"_

_"Gross, no. Not him"_

_"I thought you said you weren't staring at anyone?"_

_".......Fuck up,"_

 

* * *

 

Taeyong's eyes pried open to meet blinding white lights above him. He squinted in discomfort and shifted his gaze downward. He was wrapped in white sheets and had twisted bandages around his right forearm. 

He moved his attention to the left where there sat a sleeping figure in a wooden backed office chair dressed in store clerk attire. Next to the person was a red bag that seemed to slump in the empty space. He was disgusted to see this particular person in the room with him. Disgusted with himself, not the other.

He tilted his head to the right and his eyes followed. A perfect sunrise, casting light through the enormous glass. The rays hit his face and warmed his senses. He lay facing there for a few minutes, letting his thoughts evaporate like water before they could hurt again.

The figure in the corner grunted to the sound of a phone alarm. The unexpected noise sent chills through Taeyong's body. The figure jolted the phone that was sitting on his lap in frustration. He tapped the stop button and lay it back down. The person rubbed his eyes furiously, making noises as to wake himself up quicker.

Taeyong moved his head back from the window to the person. His thoughts were running wild with his heart. He was good at hiding this though, his face took on a more serious form as the person met eyes with Taeyong,

"You're awake!" The figure said, "How are you feeling?" He moved closer to Taeyong to hold his hand, "You really scared me last night,"

Taeyong stayed quiet, getting angrier at himself. The clouds reformed in his head and it was stormy. The touch of this particular Japanese boy was so teasing and aggravating. Taeyong's stare turned sour as he ripped his glare away from the boy and turned his attention to the sunrise once again,

"Taeyongie! Just talk to me, please!" The boys who's name is Yuta worried himself sick with Taeyong's reckless behaviour. Everyday he would wonder what not to say to get Taeyong worked up. He was visibly starting to get emotional, "I'm sorry if I said something last night," He grabbed Taeyong's hand harder and started sobbing.

The older's head started spinning with guilt. This is exactly what he doesn't want, for Yuta to feel like it's his fault, because it isn't. Taeyong's feelings played tricks and pranks on him everyday. The uncertainty of his own heart made him hate himself and shroud in this dark pit.

"Just tell me what's going on!" Yuta started sounding desperate. Taeyong squeezed his eyes hard when he heard one big cry coming from Yuta as he buried his head in the white sheets next to Taeyong's body. He couldn't avoid this anymore. The pent up anger in himself boiled but it couldn't release so explosively,

"I can't help it," Taeyong almost whispered. Yuta peered his head up to sound of the voice,

"What?" He rushed his head closer to Taeyong,

"I can't have certain things in life, and I can't help wanting out," Taeyong was still longing his gaze out the window,

"What do you mean wanting out?" Yuta gripped his hands even harder, hurting Taeyong as he moaned in discomfort.

Taeyong didn't give a reply, he just kept his eyes on the ever rising sun.

Yuta wanted to think Taeyong's words were just words but he knew that they weren't from experience. Yuta assumed the worst of this, leaving him feeling helpless as his mind ran a thousand meters a second. He tired himself out with only thoughts and as Yuta let go of Taeyong's hand and stumbled back to his chair to where he plonked down to breathe, Taeyong began to pant. The breathlessness he had known far to well from being in close contact with Yuta was apparent yet again. Obviously he didn't want to alarm Yuta but he just didn't know how not to. Everything he knows how to do makes Yuta panic. It's like a unbreakable cycle of fear, and rest.

A few minutes later, after their minds had time to recover, Yuta sat up and picked his phone up, "I have to go to work soon, it's almost 7. Tell me you're gonna be alright here for the day, the doctor will come discharge you later on." He stood up to walk over to Taeyong again, "Here, take my phone. I'll text you from Johnny's phone at work," He placed the phone on Taeyong's bed.

Taeyong merely nodded and agreed, still not taking his attention away from the sunrise. Yuta ran his fingers through Taeyong's hair, twirling the strands, "I'll see you later," He patted his head before turning around to walk out the door.

 

 

.....

 

Yuta worked as a part time shopkeeper on a quiet end of town. He didn't mind sitting around the shop occasionally restocking items and reading a magazine or two to pass the time.

The day passed by slowly for Yuta, as there were only a steady stream of customers today. He sat on a high wooden stool when there weren't any customers around. During one of the many times where the store was empty he headed to the back of the store to find the owner, Johnny. A boss that would do a lot for his workers, he's a kind person,

"Johnny?" Yuta passed the empty stack of boxes to reach the boss,

"Yes, Yuta?" Johnny sat in his office chair filling out invoices for the day's deliveries,

"Can I use your phone? I need to text Taeyong," Yuta moved to stand next to Johnny,

"Yeah sure, I don't have a passcode," he took out his black iPhone 6 from his jeans pocket and handed it Yuta,

"Thanks, I'll bring it back soon," Yuta turned to get back to the storefront,

 

**13:32**

**From: Johnny Boiii**

It's Yuta have you been discharged yet?

 

**13:35**

**From: Unknown**

Nah they said I'd be let go soon though

 

**13:35**

**From: Johnny Boiii**

When they do let you go come to the store I forgot to give you the keys to the house

 

**13:40**

**From: Unknown**

k

 

**13:40**

**From: Johnny Boiii**

Don't k me boy!

 

**13:43**

**From: Unknown**

Fight me

 

**13:43**

**From: Johnny Boiii**

See you soon <3

 

Yuta's day continued gradually, mostly in anticipation for Taeyong's arrival. He watched as the customers came and went. The tide ebed and flowed. It was almost closing time but there was no sign of Taeyong coming. Yuta had to start mopping the floors before closing. He took his bucket around the store following him. He started to get really worried when it was 2 minutes before closing. The store closes at 8 PM so that's not a good sign for Yuta. Johnny comes through the door dividing the back seeing the texts from Yuta and Taeyong,

"Does Taeyong do much nowadays, Yuta?" Holding his phone up to look at the messages,

Yuta looked up from his mopping, "Ummm, not really. He didn't like posing for photos so he left his modelling job. But they still want him," Yuta shook his head,

"So he just sits around home then?" Johnny assumed,

"Not really, he likes going out and doing stupid things, I hate it! But I can't be there with him 24/7 you know?" He pointed out the entire store,

"Do you feel scared for him sometimes?" Johnny sat at the cash register watching Yuta,

"Yeah kinda, it worries me that he's not here to pick the keys up right now too," Yuta peered out past the shelves of chocolate to look out the window, no sign of Taeyong,

"How about...." Johnny stands up, "You bring him in and I'll give him a job here?" Johnny moved over to Yuta.

Yuta's jaw dropped at the offer, "What?!?! Are you serious?!" He dropped his mop on one of the fridges,

Johnny grabbed the mop and started mopping himself, "Yes!" Yuta exclaimed in disbelief,

"OH MY GOD!!!!" He grabbed Johnny's shoulder to look him straight in the eye, "Thank you so much!!!!!! Ahhhhh~" Yuta jumped over and over, he couldn't wait to tell Taeyong the news,

"Go find him! I can close up here," Johnny motioned for Yuta to leave,

Yuta once again thanked Johnny as he ran to the back of the shop to grab his red bag and his jacket before heading off. He ran out of the shop waving back at Johnny thanking him  _again._

"Ahh, what a cute kid," Johnny chuckled to himself catching himself in a blush......

 

.....

 

Taeyong had only beed discharged for about an hour and he was feeling the need to live again. His thoughts were gloomy after receiving that heart message from Yuta. He knew that a heart from Yuta in text form was about as fake as Taeyong's smile that he wore while approaching his favourite club again. Hansol was not on duty tonight which was a plus. He sat on his bench once more and waited. The final bits of the sunset were glimmering in his eyes. He pulled out Yuta's phone from his hoodie pocket, the time was 8:06PM.

_Fuck, he's gonna come looking for me now._

Good thing though, that Yuta's store was a 10 minute bus ride away from the club. Taeyong had just enough time to live. He watched carefully as people walked past. The club wasn't even packing at the moment because it's still really early. Undeterred, Taeyong watched people walk past on the street and meticulously evaluating possible pray.

One candidate was about the same height as he but didn't look he could harm a fly.

Another, in a school uniform. He thought that could be fun, given life from a school kid. But the kid had friends running up from behind, "Mark hyung! Wait up!" The kids called out. He didn't want to deal with screaming kids, so he let them go.

A few minutes of failed scopes later and he has found another perfect candidate. Taller than he was. Muscularly built. _Alone_. Perfect. He had jeans and a big jacket on covering his face and a bag. Taeyong watched as the man walked past before pockting Yuta's phone, standing up and covering his hair with the hoodie. The evening was quiet, making for a perfect living experience for Taeyong.

The routine was the same, they walked past some buildings and some closing shops before Taeyong spotted an alley way where the man just so happened to turn. This could not get anymore perfect.

Taeyong laughed to himself as he excited himself up and ran in front of the man to stop him,

"Hold up!" Taeyong strived forward. With a smirk look on his face, he looked at the ground before scanning his pray up from the front.

"Can I help you?" The man looked angrily confused, not in a way that he wanted to hurt him but in a way that was concerned for Taeyong.

"Hmm, what the fuck do you think you're doing around these parts of town?!" Taeyong's eyes were only halfway up the man's body, "I think I might have to--"

 

.....

 


	3. #3

Yuta ran from the shop hurriedly as he noticed the bus coming from around the corner. Luckily, the bus stop was just across the road from the store.

He sat on the bus, he couldn't stop smiling as he kept thinking about the kind gesture that his boss had just shown.

_Oh my god! I can't wait to tell Taeyongie! Johnny, so nice!_

He felt his cheeks start to warm up,  _Did I just blush?_ he laughed to himself. There was just one small problem, Taeyong's whereabouts.

Yuta sat on the bus as he thought about where might Taeyong be. Keeping Taeyong safe from his own mind was Yuta's priority at all times. He felt he had to take care of Taeyong like a brother because he didn't have anyone else after the accident.

Yuta thought long and hard about where Taeyong could be. In his mind, he ran thoughts logically, realistically and reasonably,

 _He won't be at the hospital anymore, they said he would be discharged by 5 PM at the latest._  
_He won't be at home because I have the key._  
_He won't be at the agency because he ran out on modelling._  
_He won't be at the--_

Yuta pushed the button to cue the driver to stop the bus.

He stepped out of the bus on to a very familiar street. It was mocking him, how last night he was just saving his best friend from the cold ground.

Yuta stepped off in the direction of Taeyong's usual with a feeling of dread. He really didn't want Taeyong to be there, but at the same time if he was still there then Yuta wasn't too late this time.

He walked along the sunset-lit street to get closer to his destination. A few school kids bumped him by, "Sorry Mister," They laughed as they continued running off, Yuta smiled and watched them go.

The signs of an all-too-familiar building lit up in Yuta's eyes. He stopped for a second before taking a deep breath and continuing towards the building.

Yuta crossed the final street before reaching the club which was on the corner. He walked slowly towards the entrance and the plants blocking his view showed him the person he had been looking for, sitting there.

Yuta saw Taeyong sitting on his bench, presumably waiting for what Taeyong calls his 'pray'. The hunger in Taeyong's eyes as the sunset hit his face was unmissable. Yuta never understood why Taeyong would do this. Willingly pick a fight he knew he wouldn't win. Yuta's heart would break every time Taeyong would do this to himself. It's so sad.

_He's not doing this again!_

Yuta zipped up his jacket and made sure to cover his brown hair and his face as he prepared to be Taeyong's pray. Hopefully, Taeyong would take him, but seeing as Yuta was taller and slightly thicker than Taeyong he surely would have.

_He's not gonna recognise me. He shouldn't recognise me. He's too crazed to think straight._

Yuta took one final breath before pulling on his bag straps and stepping foot out into Taeyong's field of vision.

Yuta saw in the corner of his eyes that Taeyong had tilted his head up to watch him walk past. He slowed down and almost stopped walking just so Taeyong could assess Yuta's worthiness of pray.

The younger set off again, stealing glances downward and backward to see a pair of legs following him.

After a couple of blocks into the walk, Yuta notices an alley. He takes this opportunity to turn into it and hopefully luring Taeyong in too.

Yuta felt the footsteps get heavier as Taeyong lunges forward and stops Yuta in his path,

"Hold up!" Taeyong exclaims.

_Fuck! What do I say?_

Yuta tried his best to stay calm and process the situation, "Can I help you?" He asked,

Taeyong took a look at Yuta's shoes and followed his body line upwards, ""Hmm, what the fuck do you think you're doing around these parts of town?!" Taeyong's eyes were only halfway up Yuta's body,

Yuta pulled his jacket's hoodie back to reveal his face, "I think I might have to--" Taeyong met Yuta's eyes and he froze. His eyes popped open. His breathing became irregular really quick. He started sweating on the spot,

"Taeyongie?!" Yuta felt scared, not for himself. He felt scared because of the fact that if it wasn't Yuta that was standing there in front of Taeyong, he surely would have been beaten up.

Taeyong's thoughts fled him, he panicked in the moment. He thought Yuta would be furious, he wouldn't be able to deal with it. He looked around, seeing that the alley led out of the other side, he turned and ran.

"Taeyongie!!" Yuta screamed, he chased after Taeyong.

Taeyong was embarrassed out of his mind that Yuta had caught him. His mind fell to insanity. He gave himself to the dark side of his being. He burned up with the feeling of exposure, emotionally.

Taeyong turned left at the end of the alley, luckily for Yuta, the path was lit for him by the street lights. He followed the older as they both ran through the calming streets of the town. Taeyong feeling like he needed to get away, not from Yuta but from his fear of Yuta. While Yuta felt like he needed to catch Taeyong and get him to talk. Yuta really felt in the dark with Taeyong's situation right now, if only Taeyong would let Yuta in.

Taeyong led Yuta to the square in the middle of town where there was a statue of the founder, water features and a playground. The square was empty. His body tensed up as his thin, bruised legs gave in. He fell on to the concrete ground and hailed in pain.

Yuta caught up with him. He stopped in front of Taeyong and panted for a good minute before dropping to his knees in a very familiar way,

"Again? How many times do I have to pick you up?" Yuta laughed,

Taeyong's insides were boiling with shame. He couldn't bring himself to look at Yuta. He looked everywhere but at Yuta's face.

"Why do you do this Taeyongie?" Yuta stood up to help Taeyong stand again. Yuta took Taeyong's hand even though Taeyong didn't extend it for help.

Taeyong was back to feeling helpless. He didn't want Yuta to care about him. That way it would be easier to drop his feelings for him. Taeyong loves Yuta more than anything. He hasn't told Yuta in fear of what the other might say because Yuta had never been too affectionate toward Taeyong

Yuta wrapped Taeyong's arm around his shoulder and his around Taeyong's to support him as they hobbled off back home.

The walk home was quiet and awkward for Taeyong, but Yuta was conversing away, "I'm not angry Taeyongie. I'm just sad that you won't tell me what's going on. I'll listen to anything you have to say," Yuta leaned his head against Taeyong's.

Taeyong's feelings started to hurt again. He was dying in Yuta's arms. Yuta looked absolutely beautiful under the street lights. He couldn't have been in any way more perfect to Taeyong. It made him long for him even more. The yearn in his eyes reflected on to Yuta, he caught Taeyong in the middle of stare.

"What is it?" Yuta turned his head to meet Taeyong's eyes, their heads were so close and Yuta didn't look like he minded the proximity. Taeyong jerked his head back in surprise, earning a heartfelt smile from Yuta.

Taeyong's cheeks burned up and he felt as if he had been set alight.

They reached the two-story complex in which they lived. Unfortunately for the two, they lived on the second-floor meaning stairs!

The pair slowly made their way up the flights of stairs, each step giving Taeyong's leg more pain. They walked down the hallway, to the second-to-last door. Yuta pulled out the house key with his free hand. They stumbled inside.

The apartment wasn't anything too special. The open plan design to the apartment made it feel cozy. The kitchen was small and right next to it was the living room with a couch and one lounge chair. Yuta brought Taeyong to the couch and plonked him there. Taeyong didn't protest.

"I'll get the first aid kit," Yuta shuffled off to the bathroom leaving Taeyong alone for a few seconds. In this time, Taeyong managed to reignite his fire of self-hatred for being so cowardly in revealing his feelings for Yuta. He managed to start feeding himself painful thoughts that Yuta would die before loving Taeyong. He managed to work himself up to the point where he wanted to sneak out and live.

Yuta returned with the rather large first aid kit. But, Yuta knew they needed this big kit with a lot of supplies because they can't always afford hospital visits for Taeyong. He placed the box down beside Taeyong's feet,

"Put your foot on the couch so I can see it better," Yuta said as he opened the kit to find his supplies.

Taeyong complied quietly. He always trusted Yuta to be gentle and make as painless as possible. Adding another reason as to why Yuta is so perfect.

Yuta moved his attention to Taeyong's foot. He rolled Taeyong's left pant up to reveal his skin. It was puffy and red with blood stains from scraping it earlier. He dabbed some disinfectant on to a cotton swob,

"Please don't scream," Yuta smiled at Taeyong. He never screams anyway, Yuta's too gentle to let that happen.

Yuta began so slightly to dab the solution on to Taeyong's scrape patch. Taeyong bit his lower lip. This wasn't the kind of pain that he craved. This was something different. This was the pain of the person he so blindingly loved mending his wounds, his mistakes, his decisions  _again._ This pain wasn't physical as much as it was emotional.

Yuta wrapped his leg in a bandage, "Don't do too much for a couple of days," He rubbed Taeyong's leg and slid his rolled pant leg bag down. Taeyong sighed in relief at the feeling of his leg calming down.

Yuta placed Taeyong's leg back on the floor and sat up on the couch next to him. His head leaned back on the couch as he asked Taeyong, "Is it feeling tight?"

Taeyong nodded, "Yeah, I know it's supposed to though," He rubbed his leg, "I know that's how it's gonna get better,"

"So then what about you? How are you gonna get better?" Yuta turned his body to face Taeyong. They made eye contact and Yuta's eyes burned holes into Taeyong's soul. He wanted so bad to rip his heart out seeing Yuta's eyes once again. Taeyong tried not to panic in his answer,

"Why do you keep going on about me?" He rolled his eyes and casted his gaze down to his feet,

"It's kinda my job. I'm supposed to be the one to look after you, and you can look after me!" Yuta grinned catching Taeyong off guard and making him breathless,

"I guess so..... It's just my stupid head. I don't know what I want anymore," Taeyong felt so close to opening up until he reminded himself that Yuta doesn't want him.

"That's alright, we don't always have to know the answers, because sometimes," Yuta put his hands on Taeyong's and held his warmth, "We can ask for help." Yuta smiled lovingly into Taeyong's eyes.

Taeyong must've been losing his mind.

_What the fuck is happening? Don't look at me like that! Please!_

Taeyong started tearing up. A single tear threatened to spill over Taeyong's eyelid. Yuta watched as his hold on Taeyong continued to push the tear closer to breaking point. 

_Maybe I should just tell him! Fuck how I feel, just say it so he can hate me and then I can be free_

Taeyong freed his hand from Yuta's grip and he gave Yuta a sacred look. A new look. Taeyong was finally peaceful with himself. Taeyong took in one big breath as he began,

"You know lately, I've been really down," Yuta nodded in agreement, "Well I think I feel like I can tell you now," Taeyong worked up the courage.

Just at that moment, Yuta's phone started ringing within Taeyong's hoodie pocket. Taeyong's train of thought crashed and burned just then. His courage dropped off. He was struck from his confidence. He cowered in shock when the phone first rang. He took it out of the pocket and looked at the screen. Yuta leaned to see who was ringing. It was Johnny.

"Juuuust a second, I need what he wants," Yuta took his phone from Taeyong's hand and picked up the call and put it on speaker,

"Hey boss!" Yuta laughed,

 _"Heeey~ Did you find Taeyong?"_ His voice was playful,

"Yeah, we're at home now," Yuta held Taeyong's hand once again,

_"That's good then. Did you tell him?"_

"Ohhhhh god! No!"

Taeyong mimed the word, 'what?' with a gesture of curiosity,

_"Well tell him then! Haha, if you could both come tomorrow that would be great,"_

"Yeah, yeah. I'll let you know," Yuta smiled again,

_"Ok then, goodnight!"_

"Goodnight Johnny,"

Yuta placed his phone on his lap and began bouncing with excitement as he eyed Taeyong up,

"I have some news!!!!!" Yuta's smile was contagious. Taeyong looked happier,

"What news?" His voice was calm,

"Well! I told Johnny that you don't really have much to do right now," Yuta started speeding up his speech, "Aaaaaaand he kinda offered you a job at the store if you want!" He almost jumped off the couch when he said it.

Taeyong gave him a look of confusion in return, "Why?" He wasn't too sure,

"Uhhh, because he's a nice guy and he knows that you weren't in a good place?" Yuta contested,

"Ummm... What if I say no?" Taeyong hesitated,

"You can't say no! You don't even have to apply, he gave you a job for free out of the goodness of his heart." Yuta spoke up.

Taeyong looked embarrassed. People going out of their way to please him really irritated him to no end. He hated inconveniencing others. Too bad this is his life. Too bad he has people to care about him.

"Fine. I'll do it," Taeyong gave in to it. Yuta actually jumped off the couch this time.

"YES!!!!!!" He screamed. He started fist pumping in the air making Taeyong laugh for a brief moment. "We have to be at the store by 12 O'clock tomorrow. That's when my shift starts tomorrow anyway," Yuta calmed down.

Taeyong listened to every instruction that followed. What to wear. How to act. What to say. Taeyong could listen to Yuta's voice all day and not get bored of it. If only that voice could love him the same way.

Later in the night, Yuta helped Taeyong to his bed and lay him down,

"Goodnight Taeyongie," Yuta clicked Taeyong's light off as he closed the door.

In his own bed, Yuta couldn't wait to start the day. He couldn't stop thinking about the amazingly kind gesture that Johnny showed,

_He's such a good guy. How is he this good? Is it even humanly possible?_

Yuta started running thoughts of Johnny through his mind quickly, until he started getting hot. He pushed his blankets off of his body. He started noticing the temperature in his face too. He rushed to his light switch and turned to his mirror next to his bed. His cheeks were a rosy-pink. For Johnny?

 

.....


	4. #4

* * *

 

_"Are you finished eating?"_

_"Yeah, you finished staring?"_

_"I WANS'T STARING!!!!!"_

_"cute,"_

_"Johnny Seo~ I swear I will be the one to kill you!"_

_"Alright! Shut up you two! You're annoying me,"_

_"Yeeees Mr Lee!"_

_"Uggh, anyway! When do you guys have to be there?"_  

_"Ummmm, oh god, soon. We have to go,"_

_"Alright, I'll see you guys later. I'm going for my interview soon,"_

_"good luck,"_

_"Thanks, Bye guys,"_

 

* * *

 

Taeyong woke calmly and steadily today as he lay in his queen sized bed staring at the ceiling.

_Do I really wanna do this? At least I know who I'm working with. That's a plus..._

He twirled thoughts around his head, most of which weren't related directly related to Yuta this time, but Johnny. Ever since Johnny left the modelling agency and opened his own convenience store just to hire Yuta first who was desperately looking for work, Johnny started being weird. Always too nice to both Yuta and Taeyong. He had never been so kind towards Taeyong during their time in the modelling business.

Taeyong's stomach rumbled at the flashbacks.

His door bursted open and revealed an excited Yuta sporting a magnificent grin,

"Wake uuuuuuup!!!!!!" He shuffled his way in to Taeyong's room, "We have to leave soon!" He sat down on Taeyong's bed looking at him.

Taeyong moved and sat up against the wall, "What's the time?" He smiled,

"Ten fifty something, Johnny texted me and said to come a bit earlier so you can meet Seulgi before her shift's over. She's cool," Yuta laughed,

"Alright then," Taeyong smiled back with hearted eyes, "I'll just have a quick shower," He started moving to get out of bed,

"Yeah, I'll make something to eat before we leave," Yuta stood up and started making his exit.

Even in the shower, Taeyong could not escape his thoughts,

_Johnny sounds like he has enough staff as it is. Why does he want me?_

Yuta made toast and poured some orange juice for two. He sat at the small dining table waiting for Taeyong to come out. He had already washed up and put his work shirt on so he was ready to leave.

Taeyong turned the corner to walk toward the kitchen while rubbing his hair with a towel. His black hair covered his eyes as he spoke,

"What time are we gonna finish today?" Taeyong sat at the table across from Yuta,

"We'll probably be there until closing tonight. But it's not like anything interesting's gonna happen," Yuta carefully passed Taeyong's plate of toast and put his glass of orange juice down in front of him,

"Thanks for the food," Taeyong remained straight faced. Giving no emotions with his words, like he was dead inside. There was no light at the end of Taeyong's tunnel. He's forever going to be alone in his four walled love. That was just how he lived.

"I put your meds in my bag. Please remember to take them at lunch," Yuta was referencing Taeyong's anti-depresants. He had been diagnosed with clinical depression after the accident almost 10 years ago.

"I haven't been taking those for like a week now," Taeyong non-challantly responded while nibbling the toast.

Yuta shot a look of displeasure, "Yeah! I could tell," Taeyong's behavioural patterns always give warning signs to Yuta.

Taeyong didn't take this to heart as he's used to Yuta nagging him about his medication.

A few silent minutes passed and breakfast was over. Yuta collected the dishes and left a little pile in the sink. He turned to face Taeyong's direction,

"Let's go Taeyongie~" He smiled to Taeyong's back that was still seated at the table.

_Why did I take this job offer? Johnny will probably just regret it later._

Yuta went to his room to grab his red bag and two big brown jackets. He came back to Taeyong,

"Wear this, it's freezing out today," Yuta handed Taeyong the jacket and their hands touched. Taeyong's heart immediately stopped for a split second. It restarted again when Yuta spoke, "Ready?" looking into Taeyong's eyes,

Taeyong breathed, "I guess," he let out a rather nervous laugh.

The pair made their way to the bus stop and arrived at the stop just a few meters away from the store. As soon as they stepped foot off the bus, they regretted it. The weather was in the negatives and even the thick jackets had no protection against the cold. They shivered their way to the store. The bell triggered as they entered and were greeted by Seulgi,

"Welco--" She looked up from her magazine from behind the counter and cut herself off, "Heeeeey! Yuta!" She smiled in their direction. Yuta and Taeyong both waved and shivered. "Who's this?" She flicked her head in Taeyong's direction,

"This, Seulgi," Yuta grabbed Taeyong's arm and pulled him towards Seulgi, "Is Taeyong!" And grinned incredibly.

Seulgi's head bobbed back in surprise before answering, "Holy shit!!! Finally get to meet the mystery man!" She smiled and offered her hand over the counter, "I'm Seulgi. Yuta talks about you a lot,"

The older male smiled too, "I'm Taeyong." They shook hands, "Yuta likes talking shit. Don't listen to him,"

Seulgi chuckled and stood back to see him better, "Fuck! No wonder why the modelling agency keeps looking for you! Why would you leave?!" Her eyes were all up and down on Taeyong.

He wasn't as shy or flustered by this roundabout compliment as he was half-mad at Yuta. Mainly because he's heard every possible compliment ever and he just likes being mad at Yuta for whatever reason just so maybe Yuta could get fed up and leave Taeyong forever. Lmao as if.

Taeyong turned to Yuta and gave him a dead look, "...Why do you have to tell my life story to everyone?"

Yuta laughed and put his hand on Taeyong's shoulder, "Because we basically live the same life." Taeyong still shot a dead look as Seulgi laughed,

"You guys are pretty inseparable by the looks of things, you might as well get married," Seulgi joked and Yuta laughed. Taeyong on the other hand was stunned by the comment,

_Yes, please. That would be nice._

Johnny made his appearance from the back, holding an accounting book. He came out with a surprised look,

"Taeyongie!!!" He smiled, "You're here!"

"Yup, I'm here!" He shrugged his shoulders, "Are you sure you need me here? I mean, you don't look like you're struggling to keep up with....." He started surveying the empty store, ".....demands,"

Johnny shook his head, "I'm gonna sound unprofessional right now but..." He put down his book and leaned in on the group, "I was worried about you." He pulled back, "I didn't like hearing about your trips to your 'hunting grounds' and whatnot," He leaned backwards just past the door to the back to pull out a green apron, uniform to Yuta and Seulgi's. "That's why I told Yuta to bring you here, so you can be safe." He handed Taeyong the apron and smiled.

Taeyong just fell into guilt even more with this. The small glimpse of pride that existed somewhere in Taeyong's being was destroyed and buried 6 feet underground. He felt embarrassed to have even come here and feel like it was a baby sitting gig for the others rather than a job for him.

He accepted the apron and stayed quiet. Yuta tapped him on the back, "Right! Seulgi, can you show him how to use the register? I should do the stock take backstage," Yuta made his exit to the back with Johnny. Taeyong stood by Seulgi, hearing every word that left her lips, but not listening to most of it. It was only after Seulgi made Taeyong practice on her that he got the hang of it.

 

12 o'clock came and Seulgi left the store in Yuta and Taeyong's care. The day was another slow and steady day. The day's weather went from bad to worse. A thunder storm took over the town within minutes, meaning the customers came few and far apart. The three men in charge of the store sat along the register side of the counter with Yuta sitting at the register on his phone, then Johnny rested his head in his hands, then Taeyong leaning against the back wall. They witnessed one of the signs of the store outside blow away,

"Oh god, can someone get that?" Johnny rolled his eyes,

"I'll get it," Taeyong stood up and ran around the counter and out the door. The wind only picked up and he saw the sign blow even further away.

 _Wtf! Stop!_ He grunted and chased after it down the street in the gust and rain colliding with his face and eyes. He was getting closer to it but even when he did catch it, it had been a good long chase

He dragged it all the way back to the front of the store when he saw through the glass windows, two figures acting as one. Like they were really close in proximity. He stood confused for a second in the rain. He didn't want to jump to conclusions and decided it would be too stupid to assume anyway.

He started approaching the door and when the automatic glass doors opened to the convenience store, he was given a view of Johnny and Yuta sitting forehead to forehead on their stools looking down at something. His heart started pumping with fear. Johnny and Yuta jolted in surprise and quickly scrambled to act normal,

"Uhh, Woah, you were only out there for like 20 seconds," looking at how soaked Taeyong had gotten,

"Yeah, There's some towels at the back Taeyongie!" Johnny pointed to the door.

The truth was that Taeyong didn't even notice how wet his clothes were and only noticed his the sharp pain in his chest. He was thinking irrationally because of his condition and the fact that he hadn't taken his medication for 'like a week now'.

He dropped the sign in the middle of the store and headed to the back, passing Yuta and Johnny by and turning back to see them as he walked away.

Johnny waited a few seconds and whispered to Yuta, "That was too close! You think he noticed?"

Yuta looked back to see if Taeyong had disappeared from sight, and whispered back,

"Nah, I don't think so."

"Good"

"Yeah, so next time, let's wait till he's gone for longer!"

"agreed."

 

.....

 

 


	5. #5

"Oh god, can someone get that?" Johnny moaned,

Yuta turned his head to see if Taeyong was going to offer, and sure enough, he did. Taeyong ran around the counter and out the door.

Yuta used this opportunity to pull Johnny in to his secret plan.

He brought his arm over to Johnny to show him the phone, Johnny jerked back slightly in surprise,

"Johnny!" Yuta started,

"Yes?" Johnny was still supporting his head by the pillars of his forearms,

"You know the 10 year anniversary is coming up in two days right?" Yuta brought up a subject that was still touchy to everyone involved,

Johnny sighed, "...yeah."

"Well I was thinking about visiting with Taeyong and giving him something back that he'll never forget," Yuta was scrolling through his photos until he found a specific pic. Right in Johnny's face, the thing that he knew well and good that Taeyong had never forgotten appeared. His eyes popped open,

"OH MY GOD!!!!!! IS THAT THE PHOTO BOOK FROM ELEMENTARY?!?!" He screamed,

"SHUT UUUUUUP!!!! He could bust in any second." Yuta then swept Johnny's arms off the counter and brought his phone down beneath their heads. They sat forehead to forehead discussing further,

"Where did you find that?!" Johnny whispered aloud,

"They gave it to me with the belongings," Yuta sighed, "That was all that was recovered,"

"Can I have a look at it?" Johnny asked as he looked up to Yuta's face. They were sitting so close at this point, and Johnny caught Yuta off guard making Yuta blush slightly but trying to remain as serious as possible,

"I- I don't have it on me. It's at home," He explained,

"fuck. Bring it in tomorrow. I know you don't have a shift tomorrow but it'll just be me and Ten here in the morning," Johnny was still staring into Yuta's eyes.

"Ok then. The photos in there are sure to bring you to tears," Yuta smiled slightly. They both smiled and looked back down at Yuta's phone.

At that moment, they heard the bell trigger and jumped in surprise. Yuta whipped his head up violently to meet a wet Taeyong dragging the sign into the store.....

 

.....

 

"You two can go home now," Johnny was holding his accounting book once again and approached the counter from the back, "I can clean up here. Not like there's much to clean," he started chuckling,

"No! You cleaned up by yourself last night. This is quite literally, my job." Yuta snorted and Johnny smiled at him. Taeyong was caught in the middle of the exchange feeling anxious. He knew that there shouldn't be anything to be suspicious about but still he couldn't stop himself from sending his mind there. It's in his nature.

After a few exchanges of "I insist" and "No, please, let me," they finally came to the agreement of Yuta and Taeyong staying to close up for the night.

They cleaned up well enough and decided to call it a day. Taeyong and Johnny waited just outside in the calming rain for Yuta to grab his bag in the bag. He came running out with an annoyed expression. It was anyone's guess what he was saying through the glass door. It was only when he reached outside that he could be understood,

"You didn't take your meds!" He scolded Taeyong,

"I forgot?" Taeyong shrugged,

"I will force feed this to you if I have to!" Yuta shook the bottle of pills at Taeyong's face. Johnny laughed,

"I miss this," looking endearingly at the others, "Remember the good ol' days?"

Yuta laughed in response, "uhhh what are you on about?"

Johnny did not miss a beat with his response, "arguing, just like we always used to do it,"

Taeyong spoke up, "Yeah, you two were always annoying when going at it," cracking a smirk,

"YOU WEREN'T ANY BETTER!" Yuta raised his eyebrows with his voice. Johnny laughed again, and Taeyong chuckled a little.

"Anyway, do you guys need a ride home? It'll be a long walk in the wet and cold at this time," Johnny jingled his car keys,

"Yeah sure! Thanks," Yuta answered. Taeyong nodded.

They took Johnny's Toyota Corolla back to their apartment building. On the 7 minute journey, Yuta fiddled with the radio without even hearing 30 seconds of a song. Johnny yelled every time he did this. And Taeyong was staring out the window in the back seat, thinking.

Arriving at the apartment building, they both thanked Johnny for driving them home and stepped out of the car. Johnny winded down the passenger window and looked out,

"Don't forget about tomorrow morning," Johnny winked at Yuta,

Yuta merely winked back and smiled

 _What's happening tomorrow morning?_ Taeyong asked himself. He didn't say it right then, but if curiosity could kill, Taeyong would be long dead by now.

He waited till they were in the apartment before saying something,

"What was Johnny on about just then?" Taeyong stopped in the middle of taking his jacket off at the door,

"Oh, nothing. He just needed me to move some things at the store in the morning," Yuta was really good at thinking on his feet,

"Why didn't he want me there too?" Taeyong interrogated,

"Don't worry about it Taeyongie," Yuta smiled at him, "Just think of it as a day off, we don't have a shift tomorrow," He tried to reassure Taeyong and it looked as if it worked because there was a smile creeping up somewhere on Taeyong's face,

"What should we have for dinner?" Taeyong smiled and headed past Yuta and to the kitchen.

Yuta turned to put his jacket on the rack,

_That was easy. Stop asking questions Taeyongie!_

 

 

....

 

* * *

 

 

_"Well what did they say? Did you get in?"_

_"Nah"_

_"Oh, it's alright,"_

_"Maybe next time Yukkuri,"_

_"Gross, don't call me that,"_

_"fight me"_

_"nah, waste my time,"_

_"......you're ugly,"_

_"k"_

 

* * *

 

 

Taeyong woke with the sounds of rather loud footsteps just outside his room. His eyes beamed open like a light switch. The sunrise had just peaked through the cracks in his curtains. It was a while before he heard anything else but sure enough, the footsteps continued. He heard the door to the apartment open, then close.

He jumped out of bed in an instant and ran to the other side of his room to the window to make sure that it was Yuta that was leaving. A few seconds of patient waiting and there he was, walking out of the building with his big jacket and red bag on.

_What are you really going to see Johnny for?_

Taeyong rushed to closet to pull out some warm clothes quickly. He changed and didn't bother with the rest of his appearance, he grabbed his big jacket and put boots on to make things simple. Inside the jacket pocket was his wallet so he could follow Yuta if he went on the bus.

He made his way downstairs and out of the apartment building. He knew Yuta would have been a long way away now but he stuck with what he knew as the truth. That Yuta was going to the store.

 

.....

 

Yuta arrived at the store, shivering. He triggered the bell as the familiar automatic doors opened. Ten greeted him,

"Hey Yuta! What's up?" He waved,

"Hey Tenny, just here to see Johnny," he said while heading to the back of the counter and then the door, patting Ten on the shoulder as he walked past.

Johnny sat at his desk, reading something from a magazine. Yuta announced his presence with a hello to break the air,

"I'm here!" He smiled to Yuta's back,

Johnny peered his head up from the magazine at the sound of the voice,

"Oooh! Hey! You have the book?" He put the magazine down and turned to stand up,

"Yeah, it's in here," Yuta reached in to grab the photo book out and present it to Johnny.

Johnny held it with triple care, knowing how sentimental this book is to the trio of friends.

The cover was a drawing of three mountains with a sun and clouds. The three mountains representing Johnny, Taeyong and Yuta. They were the photos that were taken at Taeyong's 11th birthday party. Also the day of the accident.

Johnny sat back down to take it all in as he flipped the book, page by page. Passing one memory after another.

Johnny passed a photo of him, Taeyong, Yuta and Taeyong's younger sister sitting around a table, eating birthday cake.

Another was of Johnny hitting a piñata.

There was one of Taeyong giving Yuta a piggy back ride.

Johnny smiled and felt the memories coming back.

The most painful photo to lay eyes on for the two was the one and only photo where Taeyong was hugging his sister from behind while his parents stood beside them like one happy, loving family. Yuta and Johnny both choked up at the sight before Yuta started speaking rather cautiously,

"Do you want to come with us?" He fought tears,

Johnny nodded, also fighting an uphill battle of tears,

"It's already been 10 years," Yuta looked up to try not to breakdown.

Johnny put the book down on his desk, jumped up and strived towards Yuta opening his arms for a hug. Yuta fell into the older, who pull him in and cracked. He let out a great cry of pain in Johnny's arms. The pressure that he felt was released in Johnny's hold. For once he could relieve the stress even if for a moment.

Johnny let out small sobs and felt rushed by the past. They swayed in the touch and gave it their all to get it out before having to close up again in front of Taeyong. Johnny squeezed extra hard and let Yuta go slowly. He pulled back and started carefully opening his eyes while speaking,

"After all these years you finally came to--" Johnny gasped and slapped his mouth shut. Eyes almost threatening to pop out.

"What?" Yuta started getting scared too, and turned to see what Johnny was so shocked about.

 

.....

 

Taeyong couldn't see Yuta but since he said he was going to the store that's where he headed.

In the bus he was processing all kinds of possible scenarios that could have been happening between Yuta and Johnny right now. He started feeling anxious.

The bus pulled up outside the shop and he stepped on to the pavement. The store was open and the signs were out. He looked into the store and breathed before shuffling his way inside.

The bell triggered and Ten greeted him but from the fridges instead of from behind the counter. Taeyong moved closer to Ten,

"Hello! You must know Yuta right? He works here?" Taeyong cut straight to the chase,

Ten nodded, "Yeah, why?" He was restocking the water bottles,

"Ummm..... I'm Taeyong. I feel like Yuta has told you about me," Taeyong nervously laughed. Ten stopped facing in towards the fridge. He put the drinks down and turned to face Taeyong. He dropped his jaw and exhaled,

"Lee Taeyong?! The Taeyong?!" He was in disbelief,

"Geez, why is everyone surprised that I actually exist, like I was a myth?" Taeyong mumbled under his breath,

"Wow, he was not kidding when he said God was kind to you," Ten gave a roundabout comment, similar to that of Seulgi.

"hahaha thanks, I guess. Anyway, have you seen Yuta?" He laughed again,

"Uhhh yeah, he went backstage a few minutes ago actually," Ten pointed to the door.

Taeyong gulped, "thanks," he waved and made his way to the door, he heard something like sniffling and moved in. He was covered by the stack of boxes. He stood there peering his ears out which became more sensitive to noise. He heard the definite sound of Yuta crying. He moved even closer, and heard smaller sounds of Johnny crying too.

_Wtf? why are they crying? ....Did someone confess? Did YUTA confess?!_

Overcome with fear and anxiety, Taeyong stepped out quietly and stood in the visual range of Johnny if he were to open his eyes, which he wasn't. He waited till Johnny noticed him,

"After all these years you finally came to--" Johnny gasped and slapped his mouth shut. Eyes almost threatening to pop out.

"What?" Yuta started getting scared too, and turned to see what Johnny was so shocked about.

Yuta jumped into Johnny when he met eyes with Taeyong. He calmed down for a second before Johnny started talking,

"Taeyongie! What are you doing here?" He started making weird hand gestures.

Yuta froze up and was left staring at Taeyong with his crying eyes and with the look of ultimate guilt, Yuta let out another tear.

 

Taeyong's mind ran red. He turned red with embarrassment. He really didn't know what to think. He didn't know what to say either.

Johnny remembered the book and rushed to step back and grab it. He didn't even try to be discreet. Taeyong's eyes cut to Johnny's hands as they grabbed it.

"What is that?" He rushed,

"Nothing," Johnny defended himself,

"Tell me," Taeyong started getting visibly upset,

"Taeyongie, it's nothing!" Yuta started speaking up,

"WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT?!" Taeyong snapped and finally broke his calmness, "WHAT THE FUCK WERE YOU TWO CRYING ABOUT?!"

"Taeyongie, calm down" Johnny said slowly,

"FUCK YOU TWO! GET FUCKED!" Taeyong turned and ran out through the door and out of the shop.

"Taeyongie! Wait!" Yuta rushed out of the store after Taeyong, leaving Johnny and the book behind.

Taeyong was starting to cry with anger as he stormed off down down the quiet street. Yuta's pleas broke the silence but Taeyong couldn't hear it over his deafening rage.

Yuta called out, "Where are you going?! The bus stop's over here,"

Without hesitation Taeyong responded, "hunting"

Yuta was struck,  _Nope, nope, nope, nope, nope._  He sprinted to catch up to Taeyong, and panted, "Taeyongie wait! It was nothing at all like it looked like! I swear!" Yuta begged Taeyong to listen by pulling on Taeyong's arm.

Taeyong shook off Yuta's grip, "Then what the fuck was that?! And that thing that Johnny had?!" Taeyong didn't even spare one glance at Yuta,

"I can't tell you just yet," Yuta pleaded, Taeyong groaned in frustration, "But can you wait until tomorrow?! Please Taeyongie?" Yuta was still crying. Taeyong slowed down and stopped, still not looking at Yuta,

"What's tomorrow?" He said in a calmer voice, 

Yuta sighed before answering, "You know what tomorrow is Taeyongie," Yuta didn't need to spell it out because Taeyong never forgot.

Taeyong's mind stopped the rush and adrenaline at once, he was coming down. His face could finally feel the cold of the wind. Yuta remained still next to Taeyong,

"Can you trust me?" Yuta asked, facing Taeyong,

"You remembered?" Taeyong stared off in to the distance,

"How could I forget?" Yuta answered, "Every year, I waited for you to come home so we could do it together, but every year I find out you've been beaten up!" Yuta, once again shed tears.

Another wave of guilt rushed over Taeyong, "What makes this year different?" he asked,

"It's been 10 years since it happened Taeyongie, this one is gonna be special." Yuta caved and leaped in to hug Taeyong, "I promise," he said as he held Taeyong in the freezing cold.

Hearing all of this, Taeyong fell into extreme comfort after extreme frustration. It was a dangerous but common mood swing that occurred often in Taeyong. He started fighting tears as Yuta held him, he was losing. He shed one tear, "Thank you, Yuta." He said, almost a whisper.

"There's no need to thank me." Yuta shook his head into Taeyong's arm,

"Yeah, there is! You've been looking after me for the past 10 years." Taeyong pulled Yuta out of the hug, "You've been caring for me, and putting up with me for 10 years. It's too much for one person. I'm too much for one person." Taeyong started balling,

"Hey!" Yuta stopped Taeyong, "I'm always gonna be here with you!" He smiled at the older, to which Taeyong shook his head,

"This is why I don't deserve you! This is why I knew I could never have you!" Taeyong cried out in pain,

Yuta furrowed his eyebrows, "Wha-what are you- on about Taeyongie?" he asked,

Taeyong let all of his defences down and put himself on the line, "I'm not good enough for you! But I love you!" Taeyong had finally confessed his undying love for Yuta.

There they stood in the negative degree weather, hand in hand as the sharp air cut Yuta's words and melted his heart with sincerity,

 

"I love you too,"

 

.....


	6. #0

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ~BACKSTORY~

The morning was bright and crisp. Taeyong's room was lit with the sunshine peeking through his window.

The now 11-Year-Old boy opened his eyes as he lay in his double bed. The smile on his face was unmissable. He shook and jumped in excitement within his bed.

_Finally!!!!!!! Yuta and Johnny can come play today!!!!!!!_

He shrieked in his bed, making it creak. He flew out of his bed and rushed to his door.

It swung open and Taeyong sprinted out and targeted downstairs. He peered around the large post that blocked his view from coming downstairs and saw his parents hanging around the kitchen.

He jumped from the 3rd step to the ground and stuck his arms out, starfish style,

"I'M HEREEEEE!!!" Taeyong yelled. His parents looked over and smiled,

"There's our birthday boy!" His mother motioned to him,

"Happy birthday son!" His dad waved him over for a hug.

Taeyong rushed and fell into his dad's arms. His dad planted a kiss on his head and squeezed him extra tight,

"The big One One today!" His mum was buttering toast and putting jam on them too.

Taeyong squealed in his father's arms, making cute noises. He let Taeyong go and slipped his hands back around his morning coffee. Taeyong stepped back and put his hands on his hips and furrowed his eyebrows,

"I'm a big boy now! I want my own house!" He demanded. His parents both laughed and expressed their sincerity,

"Yes sir! We'll get on it right away," His mum put the toast on one of the empty placemats at the table, "For now though big boy, eat up!" He nudged the plate and Taeyong came running,

"Thanks for the food!" He smiled and dug in.

At that moment, smaller footsteps came storming down the staircase. A small girl ran up and hit Taeyong on the back of his head, sending him flying forward and grunting,

"Happy birthday big brother!" Yeri, the 8 year old counterpart to Taeyong moved to take a seat next to her big brother

"Yah! I'm gonna kill you," Taeyong already to take a hit at Yeri. But before he could,

"Stop it!" His father growled from his seat, "Yeri, don't hit your brother. Taeyong, don't hit your sister," The scolding was regular.

The morning carried on and Taeyong was only anticipating the arrival of his two best friends in the world: Yuta, who had moved to Korea with his mother 5 years ago after his father was assassinated by a drug lord's hitman, and Johnny, who is the son of a very rich father in America. He visited Korea a lot as that's where his father is from. He attended SM Elementary for a month and made really good friends with Taeyong and Yuta when they were 8, and he didn't want to go back to America ever since. And though he wasn't raised so spoiled, his family could afford to house the homeless and still have money.

 

The preparations for Taeyong's party was done and Yuta's mother pulled up to their house. Taeyong heard the sound of a car and looked out his window before seeing Yuta and his mother step out of the car and walk towards the door. Taeyong ran downstairs once again and answered the knocking door. He was greeted by one of his best friends and his mother,

"Hi Yuta! Hi aunty!" He waved at the two with an ultimate smile,

"Hello Taeyong, where's your mother?" Yuta's mum looked around from outside. Taeyong turned around and yelled out for his mother who came running through from the back of the house. She saw Yuta and his mother standing at the door and smiled in welcome,

"Hey guys! Come in, come in!" She offered, waving them in. Yuta's mother shook her head,

"It's ok, I'm just here to drop Yuta off. Go in," She guided Yuta in, "Have fun you guys," She smiled and waved out,

"Bye mum!" Yuta turned to wave back.

Yuta's mother closed the door leaving smiling faces inside the house,

"Have you had breakfast Yuta?" Taeyong's mother asked smiling,

"Yes aunty. But I'm starving again!" He smiled back. Taeyong smiled too,

"So am I! When is the cake gonna be ready?" Taeyong pouted.

His mother laughed, "Just be patient. You guys go and play, Johnny should be here soon," Taeyong's mother smiled as she left them standing there.

The two kids started laughing and joking around as the usual play date took place.

A few minutes later, another car pulled up the driveway and a knock at the door. This time, it was Yeri that answered the door,

"Hello?" She stood there, looking at a boy and a man,

"Hi Yeri!" Johnny smiled at the small girl, she blushed and felt embarrassed. She ran away from the door screaming, "MUUUUUUUUM". Yeah, she had a crush on Johnny.

Taeyong's mother came out once again and greeted Johnny and his chauffeur,

"Oh Hello guys! Come in?" She was hesitant as the previous response wasn't too hot. As expected the chauffeur shook his head,

"I'm just here to drop Johnny off. I'll be back in a few hours to pick him up," He bowed to Taeyong's mother and left. Johnny turned to wave him off and turned back to Taeyong's mother,

"Hi aunty!" He smiled as he took his shoes off and stepped into the house, "Where's Taeyongie?" he asked,

"Him and Yuta are in his room upstairs," Taeyong's mum smiled and saw Johnny up before returning to her position out back, putting the final touches to the tables.

 

"Come ooooooooon kiiiiiids! The food is ready!!" Taeyong's mother called from downstairs,

The trio raised their heads like meerkats and jumped out of the room, stampeding downstairs and out to the back to meet Taeyong's parents and Yeri.

The food set was a roast pork and salad. Taeyong had always loved roast pork, the salad was just to ensure healthiness for the boys courtesy of Taeyong's mother.

The trio and Yeri sat together at a round table with different coloured chairs as they dug into the food. Eating so fast just so they could get to the cake even quicker.

Taeyong's father pulled out an old looking camera that printed photos off instantly. He took one of them eating the birthday cake around the table, and then when Johnny was blindfolded hitting a piñata. One of Taeyong offering Yuta a piggy back, one of Yeri sneakily switching drinks with someone else and smiling evilly. The day was full with the smiles and laughs that came from this small birthday party for Taeyong.

Later on during the night, Johnny had been picked up and said goodbye to the gang for the day. Yeri instantly hit sadness as he left the house. It was alright though, she'd see him again in the halls of school on Monday.

Yuta rang his mother from Taeyong's landline to see when he was going to be picked up, over the phone she told him,

"Can you put aunty on for me please son?" She sounded distraught,

Yuta put the phone and called Taeyong's mum over to talk to her,

"Hello?" Taeyong's mother started,

"Hyerin?" Yuta's mother asked,

"Yes,"

"Would you mind bringing Yuta home, something came up and now my car was taken,"

"Oh gosh, what happened? Is everything alright?"

"Yeah it's fine, I've got it sorted. Could you bring Yuta home?"

"Yeah of course. We'll come now"

"Thank you"

"No problem!"

Taeyong's mother put the phone down as she turned to face everyone who was sitting in the lounge,

"Alright, everyone in the car please. We're taking Yuta home," She clapped her hands as she gathered her purse and keys. Taeyong's father looked up,

"You guys go. Someone can sit in the front," He turned his attention back to his newspaper. His mother motioned for the three kids to go to the car, 'You guys hop in the back seat please,"

She watched them go before talking to the dad, "We're going to see what happened to Mina's car, sounded like she didn't have it. So hurry up, let's go," She hit him of the shoulder. He groaned and then stood up to hobble to the car.

The trip was quiet as the kids were drifting off to sleep. Yeri sat in the middle of the three because she's the smallest. The night was dark and cold. They drove past houses and suburbs, then passed through the heart of town to get to the other side and enter the suburbs again. The two adults mumbled to each other in the front seat. They pulled up to Yuta's house to find that the usually occupied car port was empty. The car turned off and Taeyong's mother stared at the blank space.

The father then took the initiative and got out of the car to open one of the back doors to wake the kids up with a shake and a word, "wake up. Yuta, Yeri, Taeyong. We're here"

The kids woke and rubbed their eyes. They were guided through the dark by the adults to the door. A few knocks at the door later and Yuta's mother opened up to greet the awaiting crowd,

"Hey," He said quietly.

"Mina, are you alright? Where is your car?" Taeyong's mother started asking,

"It's nothing. I just called for someone to bring a temp car while our one is.....out. Yuta, come on hun," she waved Yuta through the door and let him go in, "Was it fun?" She asked as he took his shoes off. Yuta nodded,

"Bye Yuta," Taeyong waved at him as Yuta walked down to hall to his room.

His mother turned back to Taeyong and his family, "Thanks for bringing him back." She smiled,

"Any time!" Taeyong's mother replied, "Are you sure everything is alright though?" She asked one last time.

Yuta's mother nodded and smiled again, "Everything is fine. Now get some rest," She laughed, "Happy Birthday Taeyongie" He looked down at Taeyong to get a smile out of him.

The family gave one last goodbye as they turned to get back into the car and toot as they left.

The night was as still as ever. Like nature had made tonight the calmest for a purpose. The family drove through the town once more. The lights of the buildings were still lit and casting shadows fascinating the kids. The mother driving was bobbing her head to old school rock jams that her and her husband both enjoyed. There was singing and laughing as the kids too, knew the songs. The husband was buried in his newspaper that he had brought along.

They came to an intersection and met with a red light. Responsibly, they stopped and waited for the green light. The songs continued to play as they took off once again. Wife, staring straight ahead singing along. Husband, neck deep in the news. Yeri.......screaming. The song was being drowned out by the sound of 16 wheeler's horn.

Without notice, the oversized truck collided with the front end of the car that came from Yeri's side of the road. They were sent spinning and crashed in to the building on the corner of the intersection.

Taeyong was knocked unconscious.

 

Taeyong's eyes pried open to meet blinding white lights above him. He squinted in discomfort and shifted his gaze downward. He was wrapped in white sheets and had twisted bandages around both of his forearms. He had been cut from the glass shards that sent him flying into the side of the car.

He didn't even know what had happened.

He moved his attention to his left where there sat Yuta on his mother's lap as they slept on the office chair.

Taeyong tried moving his body but cried in pain, waking Yuta. He was shocked to see Taeyong awaken,

".....Tae-Taeyong?" He whispered,

Taeyong jolted as the sound of the voice. He turned slowly to see Yuta,

"What....What happened to me?" He lay still, trying so hard not to move.

Yuta hesitated before speaking, "You....you guys were hurt....in a car crash."

Taeyong furrowed his brows and started thinking real hard,

_What happened? Come on! Think!!_

It wasn't amnesia. But rather, his own conscious taking away the bad. Like it didn't want to know what happened.

Taeyong started speaking again, "Where's my mum and dad and yeri?" Staring straight at Yuta.

The younger struggled again with speaking, he got up and walked over to Taeyong, "Yeri's in another room, she's in a bad way." Yuta wanted to cry. Tears started welling up,

"What about my mum and dad?" Taeyong's voice started taking on a different tone. Angrier.

"Taeyongie, I-" He choked. Taeyong moved his face closer to Yuta,

"Where are mum and dad?!" he started yelling.

Yuta's mother woke up to this sound and heard Yuta saying,

".......They died" before bursting into tears on Taeyong's bed.

Taeyong stared at the crying Yuta is shock, panic and disbelief.

"Taeyong... I'm really sorry," Yuta's mother whispered form the chair. She too, started tearing up, "I'm sorry that this happened."

Taeyong couldn't process this in a healthy way. He didn't shed a tear. He didn't breakdown. He was just in shock.

 

It had been a week. Taeyong was staying with Yuta and his mother, checking on Yeri every single day. Taeyong still hadn't cried or talked or shown any emotion at all. They put off having a funeral for his parents until Yeri was well enough to attend.

She wasn't improving.

She was declining. Rapidly.

Yuta, his mother and Taeyong rushed to the hospital after receiving a phone call saying that Yeri's had gone into cardiac arrest.

They ran through triage, up the elevators, and to the window of Yeri's room, knowing that they would only be told to leave if they entered.

They saw doctors and nurses applying defibrillator pads to Yeri's body as they charged it up and shocked her.

Taeyong's heart broke as he saw his little sister who he thought he hated so much, have to endure something like this. He finally collapsed.

He dropped to the ground as he broke down crying. Yuta dropped to help him. Yuta's mother watched as Yeri was being shocked more than her tiny body could handle. She was shocked, then compressed.

Her heart rate dropped further.

Taeyong was screaming in fear.

Yeri's body gave in.

Yuta rocked Taeyong back and forth. Crying with him.

Taeyong mumbled, 'Please, please, please, please,"

Yeri's life support gave a final reading.

One beep, extended. Eternally etched in to Taeyong's heart.

 

.....

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fuck meeeee this was depressing.


	7. #6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We now return to our regularly scheduled programming

"I love you too,"

 

.....

 

Yuta's words flew away with the wind but not before Taeyong could pick them up by the slightest of mumbles.

The older shuddered.

His voice was lost, the air in his lungs evaporated.

His eyebrows furrowed as his eyes popped out through the deep crevices in which they stay.

Yuta reclung to Taeyong's arms and wept in sorrow and pain. The events of the past will always haunt the friends.

Taeyong froze in place. Losing his mind yet again. He opened his mouth to speak. Quietly, the words rolled out,

"Yuta I- I.... Love you," He said it again, trying to convince himself that this was just a dream, and that Yuta would not have just said that back.

The younger looked up from Taeyong's arm as he met Taeyong's puffy eyes, wet with tears,

"I think we've loved each other for years now Taeyongie," Yuta chuckled through his tears.

Taeyong was stuck in thought,

_Of course I've fucking loved you for years. What the fuck?! Why the fuck haven't you said anything?!_

Taeyong still had the tiniest bit of doubt though. He was overcome with fear again. But this time, he had built up courage that he didn't even know he could do and asked quite confidently,

"What kind of love?" Yuta was about to laugh but seeing as Taeyong's face resinated the seriousness of the night of the accident, he stopped,

"What do you mean what kind of love?" Yuta questioned, "The kind of love that's kept us together, obviously. The kind that only me, you and Johnny have! We love you, and we know that you love us. You're never alone." Yuta looked straight into Taeyong's eyes. Killing him.

The words that could murder.

Taeyong's soul died and it was visible. He teared up as the emotions came flooding back. He knew that it was too good to be true. Yuta would never want Taeyong as his own.

But Yuta was right about one thing, Taeyong does love Johnny but in a completely different way from the way he loves Yuta. The person right in front of Taeyong, the person that he loved so very much was the same person who murdered him. Blindingly.

There was no way out for Taeyong. No escape from reality.

All but one.

Yuta was still staring Taeyong dead in the eye,

"Let's go back. Johnny's probably worried that I couldn't catch you," Yuta told the soulless body.

Taeyong was still caught in his emotions so he didn't even notice that Yuta dragged him back to the store through the freezing temperatures of the outside.

"TAEYONGIE!" He was snapped from his daze by Johnny who was standing around the front of the store with Ten.

Taeyong shook his head as he was brought to reality,

"Did you tell him?" Johnny turned to face Yuta who was still holding on to Taeyong by wrapping his arms around the older's waist,

"I uhhh....I didn't really have to," He turned to Taeyong, "It's not something you can forget easily," He leaned his head on to Taeyong's shoulder, killing Taeyong even more.

Johnny sighed, "Yeah. Well, at least we can go see them together," He smiled

Taeyong stood blank faced as deadly thoughts crossed his path,

_Fuck my life. Fuck everything. Fuck Yuta. Fuck Johnny. Fuck everyone. Fuck this world....  
Mum....Dad....._ _Yeri....._ _I'm coming._

After a long winded conversation consisting of Yuta and Johnny speaking, Ten overhearing things from the shelves and Taeyong staring blankly as his internals boiled with anger, Yuta dragged Taeyong out of the store to head home.

They sat on their bus, Yuta leaning on Taeyong making Taeyong even more furious at Yuta this time.

_10 years and you still don't get how I feel. Fuck you. But why the fuck do I still love you?!?!_

It was the worst feeling for Taeyong. Having to deal with his depression, along with his one-sided love and fear of that love being crushed by the other person who he loves. It all built up so quick. He felt like he was drowning in himself, in the pressure and stress.

They approached the bus stop closest to their apartment building, a 3 minute walk.

Yuta tried to converse but only met with a brick wall.

"Taeyongie, why have you gone quiet all of a sudden?" Yuta was walking so close to Taeyong that their shoulders were touching. Taeyong shook his head and turned his gaze downward,

"Nothing," He said in a more annoyed voice rather than a usual angry tone. Yuta continued with his conversation with a non responsive brick wall all the way home.

The rest of the day went somewhat quickly as the two sat at home, doing nothing. Yuta still hadn't gotten any word out of Taeyong as he was still stuck in a deadly mindset.

Later in the night, Yuta eventually got tired and fell asleep on the couch while Taeyong was in his room just thinking,

_Am I ready? Is this what I want? Will I regret this?.....No.... I want this... What about Yuta?..... Fuck him...... I love him....._

Taeyong plotted in his head the plan to finally rid himself of it al. He stood from his bed and poked his head out the door to see what Yuta was doing. He felt a release of pressure in his stomach when he saw that Yuta was asleep. He shuffled slowly to the kitchen to grab a pen and a paper. The reality of what was about to come felt real as he wrote  note that read;

* * *

 

_Yuta..._

_I love you too much.  
Live well._

_~Taeyongie._

* * *

 

He clicked the pen and the world turned black and white. Life and death. Hot and cold. He was stuck in two states of mind. The first being the consequences for others of what he's about to do. The second being the freedom of his soul from this world.

He didn't know what one felt more painful. The selfish option or the hardest option.

He ultimately chose the selfish option.

His hands shook as he grabbed his jacket and his boots once again.

He thought about where to go. This building isn't tall enough.

He opened the front door and looked at Yuta one last time as he closed the door, obscuring his vision of the younger.

He headed downstairs. Out on to the street. Looking up at the buildings, scouting.

He spotted one that was all too familiar. His favourite place in the world. The club.

He approached as the wind in the air carried his thoughts away and left him basking,

_I'm gonna be taken away. Taken far away._

Taeyong sat on his bench, thinking.

Hansol, the bouncer, was there tonight. He noticed that Taeyong didn't look nearly as angry as he usually does when hunting but he still approached Taeyong. As he let another club goer in, he left his position to approach Taeyong.

He sat right next to him but Taeyong didn't even notice or care. Hansol spoke up,

"What's up?" He asked, looking straight ahead instead of facing Taeyong,

"Nothing," Was all that he had responded with.

Hansol asked a certain question that seemed to bother him quite a lot,

"Why do you always come here Taeyong?" He knitted his brows together in curiosity.

Taeyong looked to the corner of his eyes where the intersection lay. The scene replayed,

_....._

_AHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!_

_WHAT?!!!!!_

_LOOK OOOUTTTTT!!!!!!!!!!!!_

_....._

"This club's been here for almost 10 years now. What was here before this?" Taeyong replied and asked

"Yeah" Hansol nodded, "It was just a convenience store before. I remember that. But then there was a major car accident and the car crashed into the convenience store and it had to be closed. That's when our company bought the building." 

"Yeah. I was in that car accident," Taeyong didn't feel emotional, sorrowful or anything as he told Hansol straight up, "Can I go in?" Taeyong asked straight faced

Hansol was caught off guard by the previous statement, "Uhm......uh.... I've never seen you in the club before," 

"Yeah, just beaten up," Taeyong replied so nonchalantly,

"Well.....yeah...." Hansol felt embarrassed for Taeyong, "If you wanna go in, you can go in next," He offered,

"Thanks," Taeyong nodded. He waited for his turn to get in and it came quicker than he would have liked.

He passed the velvet straps in the door and was greeted to loud music, loud people and blinding strobe lights.

Through all the sweaty bodies and past all of the alcohol stacked tables, Taeyong moved to find the stairwell. He shuffled past people to reach every possible door, he ended up finding it in the corner, away from the scene. He looked back at the club, pumping with atmosphere and music. He was ready to end it all.

He made his way up the stairs, to the second floor, which had the storage rooms for all of the supplies for downstairs. He then passed the third floor, which had the guest rooms for people who wanted to stay after clubbing there and then he passed the fourth floor which had a penthouse type room down the corridor. He made it up the one more flight or stairs to where the door opened up to the roof of the building.

He stared straight at the door for a minute before breathing in and breathing out. He touched the door handle and remembered,

_Nobody's gonna care._

Slowly, he turned the door handle to the freezing cold air of outside. The darkness of the night was cruel and unjust, resembling Taeyong's life.

He took steps out and the wind swept his thoughts up again. He tread closer to the edge of the roof where the ledge was short. The view of the city came into view as he took in the beauty of it all. He moved closer to the edge as he saw the intersection and the events replayed again. The intersection was right below Taeyong's eyes. The air was refreshing, it left Taeyong smiling,

_I'm coming._

The lights off in the distance were stunning as they resembled the christmas lights that Taeyong's family used to hang up around the house. Tears started to form in his eyes as memories of his childhood came back,

.....

_"_ _Merry christmas big brother!"_

_"My little plum! My dear grandson. So handsome!"_

_"Happy new year son"_

_"Taeyong......Will you be my valentines?"_

_"Johnny!!!!! I found Taeyong hahahaha you're it!!!!"_

_"Did you sleep well last night Taeyong?"_

_"Happy birthday to you! Happy birthday to you! Happy birthday Taeyongie! Happy birthday to you!"_

_....._

He climbed his legs over the railing and sat there. He let everything take him over as he sat on the edge of freedom. Minutes passed him by and thoughts ran right through him.

Time was slowing down until it stopped.

The blood was rushing right to his head, to cloudiest part of his being.

He started shaking as he slipped his fingers one by one off of the railing.

He stood up and breathed one more time.

He took in the view of his beautiful city one more time.

He looked down at the intersection one more time.

He smelled the aroma of the air one more time.

He heard the sounds of the night sky one more time.

 

He smiled,

_I'm coming_

 

 

 

 

"TAEYONG!!!!!!"

 

.....

 


	8. #7

* * *

 

_"Thank you, Yuta."_

_"There's no need to thank me."_

_"Yeah, there is! You've been looking after me for the past 10 years. You've been caring for me, and putting up with me for 10 years. It's too much for one person. I'm too much for one person."_

_"Hey! I'm always gonna be here with you!"_

_"This is why I don't deserve you! This is why I knew I could never have you!"_

_"Wha-what are you- on about Taeyongie?"_

_"I'm not good enough for you! But I love you!"_

_"I love you too,"_

 

* * *

Yuta shook in his sleep as he dreamt about how he didn't want to assume that Taeyong's confession was about the type of love that you see in movies, so he played it off as friendly love.

Yuta knew never to demand too much from Taeyong. He only wanted to have Taeyong live in peace, far from what Yuta could give, what with his shitty part-time convenience store job and all.

He was shortly woken up to the sound of his phone ringing. He jolted on the couch. The phone, laying on top of his stomach fell off and hit the floor.

Yuta scrambled to pick it up and swipe the answer button.

"Hello?" He rubbed his eyes furiously,

 _"Yuta. Do you ummm..... wanna go eat out tonight?"_ It was Johnny sounding nervous,

"Why though?" Yuta lay back down on the couch,

 _"I kinda wanna tell you something, before we go out to the cemetery tomorrow,"_ His voice sounded scared,

"Uhh yeah sure. Are you picking me up?" He stood up to move around the house,

 _"Sure!! 30 minutes?"_ Johnny sounded like he was jumping,

"Yeah, that'll be enough time, see you then" Yuta passed the dining table and saw something that caught his eye. He stopped and turned to face the table,

 _"Yeah, bye,"_ Johnny replied. Yuta picked a piece of paper up from the table addressed from Taeyong,

"See you soon," Yuta hung up the call.

He put his phone down on the table to grip the piece of paper with two hands. His eyes followed the words that read,

 

_Yuta..._

_I love you too much._  
_Live well._

_~Taeyongie._

 

He walked to Taeyong's room with the note, hoping that he was there. He wasn't.

Yuta started to panic at the sight of the bottom line:  _Live well._

He vigorously ran thoughts,

_What do you mean too much?...... Too much as in, you can't live with it? OH FUCK_

He threw the note down to the ground, grabbed his phone and sprinted to the door to grab his jacket and put his boots on.

He hurriedly stood there, fidgeting with his sleeves trying so hard to put the thing on.

He put one hand in his pocket, the keys were there.

With that in mind, he flew out of the door and slammed it on his way out.

On his way downstairs, he pulled his phone out and dialled Johnny,

 _"Woah, that was fast haha,"_ Not even a greeting uttered,

"JOHNNY! I don't wanna believe this but Taeyongie's gone. He-he just- he," Yuta started losing his mind,

 _"Wait what? Hold up Yuta! What? Taeyong's what?"_ Johnny's voice noticed the hysteria in Yuta's,

"He- he left me a- a thing- a note on the table and" Yuta choked,

 _"What did it say?"_ Johnny demanded,

"It was like...." Yuta knew that he didn't want to tell Johnny the exact words of the letter, throwing Taeyong under the bus, but he also knew that Johnny would be able to help, "It said live well Yuta, from Taeyongie. JOHNNY!!!! Where would he go?!?" He yelled through the phone. By this time, he was outside on the street,

 _"Would he have gone to the store?"_ Johnny started the panic as well,

"Fuck no, he's convinced himself that me and you are dating. Gross, right?! You know, him throwing a fit this morning and everything?!" He started sounding sarcastic,

Johnny's end of the phone went quiet for a second.

 _Is it a bad thing if we were dating?_ Johnny thought to himself.

"Where else would he go Johnny?!" Yuta yelled,

Johnny was between two feelings, rejection and worry. He didn't know what to say,

 _"I uhm.... I don't know.... He's always being dramatic, especially on the anniversary days,"_ Johnny reminded Yuta.

Yuta froze in his place on the street.....

_Anniversary.... Taeyong likes going there on the anni-_

"Oh my god! I think I know where he is!!!!" Yuta was louder than ever this time, "I might not have time to come tonight but thanks for helping!" He hurried his answer along as he pocketed his phone once again and started sprinting for a particular building.

 .....

 _"Ok...... Bye Yuta....."_ Johnny fell quiet on his end. The heart he had worn on his sleeve, broke into a million pieces. Johnny had been secretly crushing on Yuta for yeeeeeaaaars now, but like Taeyong, couldn't tell him. He did his best to hide his feelings, but to little reward. So, he instead decided to do everything with Yuta. Maybe feeding into the addiction would lessen the addiction. He was wrong.

_He just said going out with me is gross......wtf...._

 

Johnny stood dressed in the nicest pair of levi's and the most expensive dress shirt he owned, looking in to the mirror.

The look on his face was unforgettable. Broken.

.....

Yuta panted as he sprinted right to where he thought Taeyong would be. His favourite place.

The lights of the building blew his retinas as he got closer. He saw a cue and a bouncer, Hansol.

Thoughtlessly, he ran to Hansol, skipping the line and coming in from the side, seeing the larger male,

"Have you..." He panted, "Seen..... Him?" He was keeling over, hands on knees, panting like a dog.

Hansol looked down at the boy in front of him,

"Hey, yeah, he was here a few minutes ago?" Hansol pointed to the doors of the club.

Yuta's panting still hadn't stopped, he looked up to where Hansol was motioning,

"He went in...." Hansol quietened down,

Yuta stood up straight, throwing a confused glare at Hansol,

"He went in?" Yuta raised his eyebrows,

Hansol nodded, "I know right? But he actually did," Hansol looked back at the line, then back at Yuta, "You can go in if you want," He smiled slightly,

Yuta felt content, "Thanks!" He tapped Hansol's shoulder as he ran in. Leaving the line to complain about it to Hansol.

Indoors, the atmosphere took Yuta over, he was surrounded with drunk people left and right.

_What if Taeyong's gonna drink himself dead?_

He started rushing his search around the club. He searched past the girls at the bar, past the dance floor, past the bathrooms.

_Well he's gotta be here somewhere, Hansol said he was in here._

Through the jumping bodies and blinding strobe lights, Yuta spotted a door with a haunting sign on it,

_"Rooftop"_

Yuta's heart started beating quicker.

He bolted over to the door without thinking about it. He busted through and shot up the stairs.

There were a few floors to pass and a few people walking about the different floors, but with every passing floor Yuta felt even more scared,

_Taeyongie please don't be there! I'll fuck you up!_

He ran even faster up the stairs until reaching the rooftop door.

This was it. The reveal. If Taeyong wasn't up here then either he was never there or Yuta's too late.

If Taeyong was there then Yuta wasn't too late.

Yuta's breath caught in his throat when he reached his hand out to turn the door handle.

Slowly, he turned it until the roof was slowly exposing itself.

He peered around the corner of the door, almost doing a 180 degree turn when he saw him.

Taeyong was standing up on the railing. He was ready to jump.

Yuta's eyes bulged open, his heart bursted open and the sound erupted from within.

"TAEYONG!" The sound of the name was as cold as the night.

 

Taeyong heard his name being called and he was snapped back to reality. He started noticing everything. His heartbeat was way too fast. His breathing was abnormal. His whole body was shaking right on the edge of the building.

He gripped the railing of the ledge with one shaking hand. He felt so weak right now. Like he couldn't even save himself.

Yuta took immediate initiative,

"Taeyongie, it's me. Yuta." Yuta's voice sounded calm, probably to make sure Taeyong wouldn't be scared.

Taeyong turned his head to see Yuta standing on the rooftop, he wasn't moving towards Taeyong, just standing still. He knitted his eyebrows, and he started feeling the anger rushing through his veins seeing the one who he loved, the one who broke his heart right there in front of him.

He kept shaking but rather than in fear, it was in anger. In fury.

He erupted right at Yuta,

"What the FUCK do you want?!" He still had one hand on the railing,

"Taeyongie...... Please don't do-"

"Don't do what?! Kill myself?! WHY THE FUCK NOT?!"

"Taeyongie...... I-"

"Shuuut the fuck up! I've heard enough of your bullshit. I ain't gotta hear anymore,"

Tears started building in Yuta's eyes,

"Taeyongie, please just-" He keeled his hands to his knees, "Please don't..... I love you," He quietened, unable to control the tears flowing.

Taeyong heard the words mumble under Yuta's breath. He wasn't sure if he heard it properly though. He put another hand on the railing and sat back down,

"what?" Taeyong muttered,

Yuta took a second to collect himself before responding to Taeyong. He stood up straight and took steps towards Taeyong,

"I said....... I love you," The tears were still obvious as they kept flowing. Taeyong couldn't help but fall for Yuta all over again. The strong will that he had to despise Yuta could only be overcome by the man himself.

Taeyong shuffled his legs over the railing to get back to the rooftop side. Slowly, he came to his senses as he dropped from the railing and stood in front of Yuta. He was  _still_ skeptical about Yuta,

"What do you mean love?" He asked straight up.

Yuta breathed and sighed in annoyance,

"The kind of love only me and you could have." Yuta started feeling the guilt of what he didn't say overcome him as he spoke, "I should've told you before but.... I couldn't... It's more than a best friend's love," He choked up while confessing. He dropped his face into his hands.

Taeyong could really not believe what he was hearing. He spoke up quietly,

"I love you too..... More than a friend," He moved closer to Yuta.

Yuta looked up from his hands to meet Taeyong's eyes right in front of his,

"-oh my god...." was his initial reaction, "Taeyongie...... Honestly. Do you love me?" Yuta just had to be absolutely sure.

Without hesitation, Taeyong responded, "Yes! I was trying to tell you that this morning!" A smile started creeping up on Taeyong's face.

Yuta was completely taken aback. He could only be thankful for the fact that Taeyong hadn't yet jumped,

"I'm sorry," Yuta choked, the tears returning, "But I'm just glad you didn't jump," Yuta threw his hands over his face, crying even more at what could've been the scene of suicide.

Taeyong started feeling the emotions. Guilt, anger, relief, peace. Taeyong's feelings became more confusing the longer he waited for Yuta. The fact that he was about to scare his best friend by jumping to his death was also wearing on him.

"I'm sorry too." Taeyong whispered, "I will never do that to you again. I promise," Taeyong reached out to grab Yuta's arm,

"Fuck up!" Yuta yelled at Taeyong before pulling Taeyong in for a hug and crying on the older's shoulder.

The cold air surrounded them and took away the feeling of pain from their hearts as they held each other under the stars of the night sky. They basked in each other's arms and tried not to be so awkward as the confessions were still very fresh and current. As the moment settled Yuta spoke up,

"Let's go home," He grabbed Taeyong's hand and led him back to the door.

Taeyong looked back at the railing of where he just stood, minutes ago.

_Thank you, Yuta..... For feeling the same way._

He turned around facing Yuta again and smiled.

"I love you,"

Yuta smiled,

"I love you too."


	9. #8

The light switch clicked and illuminated the otherwise dark apartment. The shuffling sounds of shoes and jackets and socks sliding across the wooden floor filled silence without a word spoken.

Taeyong and his emotions were overwhelmed by the touch of Yuta's hand. They were rough and worn to the touch, but still delicate and gentle by nature.

Yuta's smile was infectious and everlasting. He held Taeyong's hand the whole way home. Not walking beside Taeyong but in front, as if he was pulling him the whole way home and couldn't wait to get there.

Yuta led Taeyong to the kitchen and spoke,

"Hungry?" He let go of Taeyong's hand to slide to the pantry.

Taeyong chuckled and nodded, "kinda," he turned to go and sit at the dining table, waiting for whatever Yuta would have brought.

Yuta smiled to himself while looking for some snack,

_Fuck, what do I do now?! You do love him, that's obvious enough. But what if it's not obvious to him? How are you gonna show him that you really love him? Kiss him? What if he thinks it's too soon? Hug him then? What the fuck, you hug him everyday anyway. That ain't gonna show shit!_

"You ok?' Taeyong's voice chopped Yuta's concentration if half,

"Huh? Oh, fuck" He realised he was staring in towards the pantry blank-faced.  "Yeah, just...uh...yeah," He tried to refocus on finding a snack.

Taeyong laughed at him and watched as Yuta plucked through the overstuffed pantry.

"Chips and dip?" Yuta pulled out a packet of sour cream and chives flavoured chips, knowing well and true that those were Taeyong's favourites.

Taeyong lit up, "Yeah!"

Yuta pulled the dip from the fridge and moved over to the table but instead of sitting across from Taeyong, he dragged another chair around and sat next to him as he plonked the items on the table.

Taeyong pried open the packet of chips and Yuta pulled the lid off the dip. As Taeyong was reaching in to grab his first chip, Yuta smacked his hand.

The older grunted and threw his glare to Yuta, who just ignored it and went in to grab a chip first. But rather than eat it himself, he dipped it and fed it to Taeyong. Taeyong was taken aback at first, Yuta had never physically fed Taeyong before.

He wasn't going to deny the offer, though. It was just as delicious as ever.

Yuta scooted his chair even closer to Taeyong and he dragged the chair on the opposite side of the table closer from under the table to rest his feet on.

With his free arm, he swung it over Taeyong's shoulder to hold him there. Taeyong let it happen. He let Yuta rest his head on his shoulder. He felt small sighs coming from the younger and it calmed him, soothing his emotional ache. What he didn't notice though, was that Yuta had started to tear up, right beneath him,

"You were so close, Taeyongie," He choked. Taeyong was caught by surprise at the sudden sound. He looked down to his shoulder to see Yuta visibly upset,

"Yuta......What are you-"

"You almost left me." Yuta interrupted, "What if you did jump? What would I have done? Taeyong!" Yuta was staring off, cheeks wet with tears, "I probably would jump too if I ever found you dead!" He was shaking at the reality of the situation,

"Yuta!" Taeyong stopped him. He pried him off of his shoulder and turned him so they were face-to-face. "You know why I was about to jump?" Yuta shook his head, "I was gonna jump because I couldn't bare watching you look after me! I hated that I was the one keeping you from doing anything you wanted! I hated that I couldn't help you. I'm fucked" He quietened down.

Yuta's tears started flooding now at Taeyong's sudden confession.

"You never held me back, though. I never understood why you were always weird with me. I've been your best friend since we were FIVE!" Yuta bursted into tears again but before he could get far, Taeyong shook his shoulders, bringing back.

"Yeah but......I always wanted to be more," Taeyong realised that if he wasn't scared to take his own life, why should he be scared to say everything he always wanted to. Now is his chance and he took it.

Yuta looked up and into Taeyong's eyes, "Like what?" He was the one was scared. He wanted Taeyong too but didn't know how to say it or express it.

"Like this-" Taeyong jumped towards Yuta, planting a kiss on his lips. The sensation sending him into overdrive. Yuta's eyes gleamed at the older. Their lips slotted together like two pieces of a jigsaw. Taeyong started climbing his hands up towards Yuta's face. He cupped Yuta's cheek and rubbed his thumbs in circular motions. Yuta felt his heart burn up. It was unexpected, but their touch was so new and exciting that neither of them wanted to stop. Taeyong started sliding his tongue in through Yuta's lips. It was unforgivably delicious. The taste of Yuta's mouth drove Taeyong insane. Yuta moaned as he felt Taeyong swirling and having himself the best first kiss ever. He, however, stopped himself from getting carried away.

He pulled himself off Yuta to let him process what just happened.

They panted, the older sat back down on his seat with Yuta speaking first,

"Taeyongie.....I love you," His feelings were now set in stone. If Taeyong was so close to killing himself over him and he had already developed feelings for him, why not just give in to it?

"I love you so much Yuta!" Taeyong brought both of his hands to Yuta's head, leaning in for one more chaste kiss.

They chuckled to each other and finally, after what felt like years of admiring each other's faces, they faced back to the table where the chips still lay.

"Oh that's right" Yuta laughed, "We still have some snacks to eat," Taeyong laughed too.

They continued eating away before the clock on the back wall dinged, marking midnight.

They both turned back at the sound, looking at the clock.

Yuta's eyes lit up before turning to Taeyong and leaning in,

"Happy birthday Taeyongie," He planted a kiss on his cheek and hugged him from his side. "We get to do it today! We always plan it, and now we actually get to do it," He smiled.

Taeyong turned back around and Yuta followed, "What do we always plan? I keep forgetting," He asked,

"Yeah coz you're aways getting beaten up!" Yuta growled, "You know, we always plan to recreate your birthday party from when we were kids?"

Taeyong realised and remembered, "Ohhhhhh that's right. Are we gonna recreate the car accident?" He asked so non-chalantly. To which Yuta snapped,

"DON'T SAY THAT! What's wrong with you?!" He scolded.

"Sorry," Taeyong said emotionlessly.

Yuta made no effort to keep eating after that.

"Can we still do that, though?" Taeyong asked

Yuta looked back at him,

"Yes! We have to! It'll be the first time we ever do it. We have to tell Johnny too,"

Taeyong just nodded and agreed. He sat there and fed Yuta the chips and pulled him in for an embrace.

They sat in silence while they finished up their last bits of chips until there was nothing left.

Yuta moved to crunch up the empty packet but was stopped from moving from the table by a hand,

"I'll do it," Taeyong smiled at the younger and grabbed the emptied packet and got up from his seat to shuffle over to the bin. He left Yuta blushing in his seat.

Taeyong returned and took Yuta by the hand and dragged him to his room. Yuta let himself be guided by his arm.

They entered Taeyong's room and the door almost shut but was left with a slit of light coming through the hallway.

Taeyong lifted his blanket up and let go of Yuta's hand to climb in. He shuffled over to the other side and then patted the free space, inviting Yuta.

Yuta didn't refuse the offer. He climbed into the bed and scooted over to Taeyong's arms. They nudged around to find a position that was comfortable. Taeyong was had wrapped his arms around the younger as a way of saying "I'm not letting you go anywhere! And I want you to know that I'm not going anywhere!" The two just lay in each other's company and merely sighed in comfort before Yuta spoke up,

"Goodnight Taeyongie," He leaned down to plant a kiss on Taeyong's forearm.

Taeyong's reaction was to blush and kiss the back of Yuta's head, "Goodnight Yuta."

 

* * *

 

_"Don't be sad,"_

_"I'm not. I'll just keep looking for another job,"  
_

_"As expected of our Yukkuri!"_

_"Yeah!"_

_"Thanks guys. Anyway, how was the shoot?"_

_"Uhhh......We kinda didn't show up,"_

_"What the fuck? What do you mean you KINDA didn't show up?"_

_"We didn't feel like going,"_

_"Motherfuckers, if I had the balls to go a job interview that has NEVER seen me before, how the fuck did you guys manage to 'not want to go' to the ONLY place that loves you?!"_

_"We just didn't wanna do it anymore,"_

_"Little bitches. I'll have your fucking jobs,"_

_"Take it then! Oh wait.......they didn't want you,"_

_"JOHNNY FUCKING SEO!!"_

* * *

 


	10. #9

Early the next morning, Johnny rang Yuta's phone. After a few dials, he picked up;

 _"Morning,"_ Yuta sounded like he just woke up.

"Morning! Did you find Taeyongie?" Johnny asked,

"Yeah, yeah he's alright now." Yuta half-chuckled.

"Oh that's good. When is he wanting to go to the cemetery?" he continued,

 _"Um... he's still sleeping,"_ Yuta replied. Johnny also heard groaning from the other end of the phone as well,

"Is that Taeyongie making noises?" He raised his eyebrows,

 _"Yeah, I never knew he was this annoying when sleeping,"_ Yuta grunted,

"What do you mean?" Johnny laughed,

 _"He was kicking me last night, and then kissin-"_ Yuta realised where he was going, gasped and then slapped his mouth shut.

Johnny jumped in disbelief, "WHAT?! Yut- What--?" He was scared. He was so quick to jump to conclusions but he didn't want to assume.

 _"Oh my god, uhh... it's nothing.....We just...."_ Yuta didn't know what to say next,

"You just...?" Johnny fell silent,

 _".....I wanna tell you in person later today,"_ Yuta stated,

"Tell me what?" Johnny was terrified now,

 _"Can you just wait?"_ Yuta started hissing,

"For what?"

_"For when I fucking tell you, dumbass,"_

"And when is that?"

_"When you pick us up! Now get the fuck over here,"_

Johnny hung up straight away. He was ready to pounce on Yuta to get the story right then so he hurriedly grabbed whatever he needed; keys, wallet - and just zoomed out the door.

 

When he arrived at the apartment complex of the other two, he was so scared to knock on the door. He wanted to know that it was just a misunderstanding, nothing more. He breathed and raised his hand to knock on the door.

He got three knocks out of it and waited for footsteps to approach the door.

The doorknob turned and Yuta was standing in the doorway with a white t-shirt and boxers.

Johnny's breath hitched at the sight,

"Uh- uh hi," He smiled awkwardly,

"Hey," Yuta nodded, "Come in."

Johnny stepped forward into the house, removed his shoes and carried on,

"He's still sleeping," Yuta said as he walked ahead of Johnny,

"Yeah, anyway, what were you saying on the phone?" Johnny cut straight to it. He moved his shoes to the side and walked in,

"Oh yeah.... uhh..... Taeyongie, he-" Yuta choked on his words. He sat down on the couch,

"Just tell me," Johnny moved over to the seat next to the couch, "He what?"

Yuta patted his lap, "Well he kinda like.....confessed I guess?" The words struck Johnny.

His eyebrows raised involuntarily, his heart sank, he started feeling sweaty without heat, he was getting nervous without notice, "Oh.... Like a love confession?"

Yuta nodded. Johnny died, "What- uhh... what did you say?"

Yuta chuckled and felt a slight blush creep, "I said I love him too,"

Johnny's stomach flipped and his forehead was almost dripping. All he could manage was a slight 'oh'.

At that moment, the door to the room moved and Taeyong hobbled out, squinting his eyes and yawning.

Yuta patted the space next to him on the couch and Taeyong came running like a dog.

"Morning, sleepyhead," Yuta laughed before kissing Taeyong on the cheek. He was oblivious to the fact that Johnny was even there. The sight gave Johnny a deepening pain. Witnessing his best friends kiss so unexpectedly, though chaste and sweet, was immediately threatening Johnny's self-esteem.

"What's the time?" Taeyong was still trying to awaken himself.

"9:15" Yuta replied.

Johnny started panicking, trying not to make it obvious that he was feeling betrayed and broken up by his friends and new lovers.

He intervened the conversation, "Well hurry up and get ready, we don't have all day to get out there you know?"

"Woah, when did you get here?!" He jumped in surprise. 

"Just now, now go and get ready." Johnny tried to change his tone to seem playful without giving off an ounce of hurt.

"Alright, alright!" Taeyong motioned his hands up in defeat. He went back to the room to grab a set of clothes before heading to the shower leaving Yuta and Johnny sitting on the couch.

"Breakfast?" Yuta smiled.

Johnny forced the most fake smile back and answered, "Sure."

 

.....

 

"Keys. Phone. Wallet." Yuta recited to himself, patting his pockets for reassurance as the trio was ready to head out to the cemetery where Taeyong's parents and his sister were buried.

"Ok, let's go." Taeyong shuffled out of the bedroom once again.

"Alright then, we're off," Johnny spoke from the kitchen table.

The three exited the apartment and made their way to Johnny's car.

The journey to the cemetery was quiet as Yuta forever fiddled with the stereo, trying to find the 'perfect' road trip song, while Taeyong was at the back trying to come to the realisation that he was about to visit his family for the first time in 10 years.

They pulled up to the cemetery, the atmosphere changed immediately. The air felt stiff and harsh, like they didn't know what to do. They stared at the sign that greeted them, 'Welcome to Kyungdam cemetery.'

Johnny broke the silence, "Happy birthday Taeyongie,"

Taeyong felt frozen, scared of the memories. The day Yeri died was his worst fear......

 

_"YERI!!!!!!!!!_ _What are they doing to her?!?!" Taeyong slammed on the glass windows._

_"They're just trying to make her better." Yuta's mother said, "Don't look kids," She pushed Taeyong and Yuta backwards._

_"YERI!!!!!! YERI!!!!!!!" Taeyong screamed at the window, his face was red with breathlessness. His cheeks were wet with tears._

_"Taeyongie, stop." Yuta wrapped himself around Taeyong, trying his hardest to console him.  
_

_"Please, please, please, please......" Taeyong dropped to the ground, pleading with his own life._

_"Taeyongie......" Yuta sobbed, tears shed as he rocked Taeyong back and forth._

_Yuta's mother gasped as a terrifying sound screeched through the windows and broke her heart, along with Taeyong's life._

_"What's that sound?!?!?!?" Taeyong jumped up, pushing Yuta off of him._

_"Taeyong. Yeri's......" Yuta's mother choked and tears ran her cheeks,_

_".......No........" Taeyong's face released and his muscles were relaxed, "No......No, Yeri. Wake up. Yeri! Come on!" He knocked on the window,_

_"Taeyong, that's enough," Yuta's mum scolded him,_

_"No. Yeri!! WAKE UP!!!!! YERI!!!!!!!!!!" He screamed. Yuta grabbed Taeyong's arm and pulled him back but Taeyong fought back,_

_"Taeyong, please! Stop!" Yuta begged as he dealt with kicking and screaming,_

_"YERI!!!!!! AHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" His body gave up and collapsed back on Yuta. Yuta caught him in a hug and didn't let go as Taeyong weeped in his arms._

_Yuta didn't say anything else at this point, he just let Taeyong cry as much as he wanted._

Taeyong cried his heart out on Yuta's shoulder, he repeated his sister's name over and over until he couldn't breathe.

_He didn't cry again._

 

 

"Are we getting out or....?" Yuta asked from the front seat.

Taeyong was brought back to reality. "Oh, yeah.....Yeah... Let's go,"

Yuta opened the glovebox to grab something without Taeyong's knowledge.

They stepped out of the car and stared on at the cemetery.

Yuta and Johnny let Taeyong lead the way. They passed person after person through the quiet cemetery. No one spoke a word and yet everything was said, 'We love you,' 'We're here for you,'

Finally, they reached the headstone which read,

_In loving memory of:_

_Park Hyerin - 67.11.18 - 06.07.01_   
_Lee Dongil - 67.02.04 - 06.07.01_   
_Lee Yerim - 98.04.08 - 06.07.01_

_A loving Father, Mother, and Daughter.  
Rest in peace._

 

"Hi Mum. Dad. Yeri." Taeyong smiled, remembering the good, trying to forget the bad. "I'm here," He laughed while tears started welling in his eyes.

"Hi Aunty. Uncle. Yeri," Yuta and Johnny said trying not to cry themselves.

They stood in silence until Yuta spoke up,

"Taeyongie?" He moved to hug the older. "Remember this?" He pulled out the photobook from his jacket pocket.

Taeyong gasped at the sight, "Oh my- Yuta... Is this from my birthday?" He tried to stay calm.

"Look through it. It's got some memories that will really bring back the good times," Yuta told him.

So Taeyong did, he flipped through the book in the presence of his family, there were no friends. Yuta and Johnny were brothers, though, Yuta was something else completely.

He reached the photo that really tugged his heart strings. He sighed and brushed the photo with his thumb, "I love you."

He looked up from the book to look at the headstone, "Rest in peace, my beautiful family." He didn't start crying because he was emotionally drained as it was, he instead, smiled and went to rub the headstone.

The other two followed Taeyong as he went. They spent another 10 minutes sitting on the ground, hoping it wasn't going to rain on them, until it did.

Before it started to come down, the said their farewells,

"Bye, mum. Bye, dad. Bye, Yeri. I'll come back more often now ok?" Taeyong smiled and rubbed the headstone.

The drops of rain started becoming more apparent.

They took off down the track before it could get worse.

Johnny clicked his button to unlock the car door and in they went.

They caught their breath for a minute before Taeyong spoke first,

"Thanks guys. That was the best present ever," He smiled.

"Anytime!" Yuta chuckled, making Taeyong smile even more.

Johnny was caught in his reality again. He had fine thus far, hiding his pain was going well for a bit, but then it came back.

_Yuta said it would be gross for us to date. And yet, here they are. Basically infatuated with Taeyongie._

Johnny started the car and turned all of his attention away from the problem and to the road.

He drove the way back to Taeyong and Yuta's to drop them off before turning around to head back to his house. All the while, he couldn't escape his fleeting thoughts as they burned holes in his mind.

He hobbled out of his car and into the house,

He felt all the pressure piling up on him. The weight of betrayal became too much to bare, he felt his shoulders give in to the sensation of an overwhelming burden. His stomach felt ready to burst, hurting him.

It was painful, coming to the reality of his crush turning against him and choosing someone else.

He broke down crying. Screaming. Fighting his inner demons. He didn't hate Yuta or Taeyong for that matter, but himself for not being able to tell Yuta earlier. It was Taeyong's burden gifted to Johnny.

He was losing his mind so fast, that he didn't know what was happening. He shuffled over to the kitchen to grab a pen and a paper out of the draw and scribbling something in fear, in anger, in regret;

 

_To my two best friends...._

_To my first crush....._

_To my lifelong brothers....._

_I love you two, more than I could have told you....._

_I guess it's too late now though....._

 

Johnny walked to his front door to unlock it.

He thoughtlessly walked back to his kitchen to grab a butcher's knife. He grabbed a tool to sharpen it and did so at the sink.

With his knife, he shuffled over to his dining table and sat there.

He started processing thoughts about how for 13 years, since the day he met the two others, he could not keep his eyes off Yuta. He was infatuated.

He played with the knife as it brought back painful memories, his mind couldn't process so healthily.

He wanted nothing more than to escape.

He stared at the blade and smiled. It was time.

With the knife, he made one cut in his wrist. He hissed at the pain, but sighed at the relief. It was Taeyong's pain gifted to Johnny.

He made another cut. And another. Deeper. And deeper. Closer. And closer. The blood stained the table and he laughed. His vision blurred and he felt released.

_Yes, please._

 

_....._   
  


* * *

 

_"Yuta, you know how Taeyongie and I didn't show up to that shoot yesterday?"_

_"I'll never forgive either of you for that,"_

_"Well anyway. I did it to register myself as an employer! I'm gonna open a store!!!"_

_"Wait.....What?! Seriously?!"_

_"Yes!!!!!"_

_"Oh my god!!!!! Johnny!!!!!!!"_

_"I'm gonna need some staff too! Sooooo, do you wanna be my first worker?"_

_"Yes!!!!!! I'll have a full time job, you mean!?"_

_"Yeah!"_

_"AHHHHH!!!!! Johnny! So, you did that just to become a boss and hire me?"_

_".......yeah,"_

_"Blushing?! You gotta crush on me or something? Hahahha"_

_"Pfffft, what the- No!"_

* * *

 

_Yes......_

 

_....._


	11. #10

The two were dropped off at home as they stepped foot out of the car and made their way upstairs. It was pouring at this point. Half-soaked, they hobbled up the stairwell and down the hall to their apartment. The keys turned in the lock as Yuta pushed the door open to enter.

They headed in, but not before Yuta could turn to stop Taeyong in the doorway,

"Wait! I have something for you!" He smiled and ran off in to his room where he hid something.

"Umm, ok then." Taeyong was talking to the wall at this point.

Not a second later, Yuta had already bolted out of the door to his room to bring back a pretty big box,

"Here," He started,

"What is it?" Taeyong took the box in his hands and rubbed his hand over the covering.

"It's just chocolate," Yuta laughed nervously, "I actually don't even know why I wanted to give it to you right now," His cheeks started turning red.

Taeyong noticed and started chuckling to himself, "Yeah, you could've just showed me when we were inside," He laughed and took another glance at the box, "But it's ok. Thank you," He turned his head up to meet Yuta's eyes and red cheeks. He stepped forward to give a short and chaste kiss before things could get more intense.

Yuta did not deny the kiss. He pulled Taeyong through the door and closed it behind him. Yuta pulled away but staring still in to Taeyong's eyes,

"What should we do for the rest of the day?" He grabbed hold of Taeyong's forearms,

"I don't know, it's not even lunch time yet," Taeyong responded,

"Ooh lunch, should we eat out? Or do you wanna stay in?" Yuta gleamed at the older,

Taeyong took the opportunity to be as cringe and cliché as possible with his response, "As long as I'm with you baby, I'll be alright," He laughed his own cringe off.

Yuta looked absolutely grossed out. He ripped his hands from Taeyong, "ew, what the fuck?" Yuta had the look of ultimate disappointment.

The older bursted into laughter and kicked his shoes off simultaneously. Yuta shuffled back over the wooden floor and over to the living room.

A few seconds later, Taeyong made his way to the couch where Yuta sat. Yuta clicked the remote and turned the tv on. He moved to the end of the couch and slumped to allow Taeyong to fall into him. And Taeyong did, he almost sat in Yuta's lap, and leaned his head back, brushing the strands against Yuta's chest and sighed contently.

He cracked open the box of chocolates and offered one over his head to Yuta. The younger gaped and bit the chocolate from Taeyong's hand. Never before had chocolate been so delicious.

The afternoon melted away, as did the chocolate. The pair was unbreakably fond of each other and nothing felt like it could tear them apart. Nothing except for a call from a particular someone.

Yuta's phone vibrated on the coffee table that was an arm length away from the couch. Taeyong picked it up, "hello?" he said. There was a panic at the other side, the voice didn't seem too familar to him, it said, "Hello? Who is this? Where's Yuta? Please get Yuta on the phone!" Taeyong pulled the phone back to see who's number had called, it wasn't saved onto Yuta's phone. Yuta was half asleep behind Taeyong, groaning, "Who is it?" to Taeyong. The older shrugged and handed the phone to him. Yuta cleared his throat and began to talk, "Hello?" The voice on the other screamed at him, "Yuta! Yuta, Johnny is.....I don't know.... out cold! I got here and-an-I just... I found him on the table but he- but- I called the police but I- just- I dont' know what to do, Yuta!" Yuta gently pushed Taeyong up so that they both were sitting straight up. Yuta recognised the voice at one, it was Ten. "Ten! What are you talking about?" Yuta said with fear growing in his voice, "What happened to Johnny?" Ten gave a big cry, "I think he tried to kill himself!"

No more than 30 seconds had passed and Yuta managed to hang up the phone, give a brief explanation to Taeyong, turned the tv off, grabbed the house keys, pulled on the jacket and boots and rush the other out with him.

The rain had subsided, but the cold air remained and what made it colder was the pace at which the two were running, furiously at. They sprinted to the bus stop and waited impatiently at for 5 yea-minutes. The bus could not go any slower according to these two. In time, they arrived at the nearest bus stop to Johnny's house. They exited and hit the ground sprinting. They turned the final corner closing in on Johnny's house and saw two police cars and an ambulance parked outside.

Their stomachs flipped as they stopped to take it in,

"No," Yuta released. He ran off first, leaving Taeyong at the street corner. Taeyong stood there, stunned. He had never thought Johnny was suicidal, more than he was. No one would have thought that, you'd think Johnny was as merry as you could get. There was not a single sign of depression or anything that gave it away, unlike Taeyong who openly expressed his depression and self-hatred.

The insides of Taeyong's stomach took a blow at how selfish he felt. Stealing every little moment he had to wallow in pity and not even caring enoough to look around to what was really happening. People hiding themselves from him, just to please him. 

 _I'm truly disgusting._ He thought just then, all in the matter of seconds had he conjured up another thought of self-hate.

He took off in the direction of the house as well, following Yuta. They tried to walk straight through the front gate and up the stairs to the deck but were stopped by a policeman, looking seriously at them,

"Where do you think you two are going?" He said,

"Please, sir. That's our friend in there," Taeyong said faltly, like there was no concern, but really, he just sounded like that 24/7.

"JOHNNY!" Yuta screamed, half out of fear, half out of guilt. But what was the guilt for? He had done nothing wrong.

Taeyong had to try and stop Yuta from bursting into the house and risk being detained by the....kind.... officer standing adjacent to them.

At that moment, a friendly, but sorrowful face emerged from the front door. It was Ten, holding his hands in fists, trying not to feel like it was his fault for not showing up earlier than he did.

He ran over to Taeyong and Yuta, who stood outside the gate. Yuta was the first to speak. Irrationally, nontheless,

"What happened, Ten. What happened to him?" He sounded like he was about to cry of anger, of rage.

"I don't know, I got here just 2 minutes before I called you and I found him at the table." Ten was about to cry too, but more of sadness.

Taeyong held Yuta comfortingly as he tried to surpress Yuta's tears, "What was Johnny like when you found him?" Taeyong asked.

"The table was bloody, he- uhm... he cut himself with a butcher knife... His wrist looks really b-" His tears choked him up. He couldn't continue with it.

Yuta felt a violent surge of frustration build up on his insides within the matter of milliseconds. This one occasion felt different to all of Taeyong's usual stunts because it _wasn't_ Taeyong this time. He'd been used to Taeyong doing all sorts of things but for Johnny to have done something like this was unheard of until just moments ago. There had to have been a reason, and a damn good one at that for Johnny, the brightest person in Yuta's and Taeyong's lives to have done something so disturbing as to slaughter himself like a pig.

Yuta's attention turned back to Ten as he asked, "What  _are_  you doing here anyway, Tennie?"

Ten turned a rather rosy shade of red as he responded, "Um, I just... Had something to give to Johnny."

Taeyong furrowed his eyebrows in curiousty, "Something? What kinda something?"

Ten began to stutter like an old record, "Um just- uh- nothing important- work stuff, ahaha- just dumb really." He mumbled himself to a close and Yuta and Taeyong gave some inquisitive looks.

Another police officer then exited the house, following with a bouquet of flowers wrapped in white paper and a card and handed them Ten, "Thought you'd might want this back, we won't be needing it anymore, since it's not evidence," He turned to walk back into the house and left Ten feeling a bit more embarrassed than he might have wanted.

Yuta's gaze ripped to the card that Ten held and snatched it from him. Ten protested, "No, no, Yuta! Give it back! Yuta!" Yuta released Taeyong's arms around him and ran back towards the road and behind the ambulance. Ten had almost got the gate open but was already too late, Yuta had just read the note that said,

 _Now that I'm gone, and you've opened this note,_  
I just wanted to say again that I really like you (again).  
Hope you really do feel the same way,  
You have no idea how long it took me to work up the courage and come here to tell you this,  
But let me tell you this, it took a long time!  
Since we met at the ice cream palor I'd say.

_Anyway, I'm running out of room on this card so yeah,  
Love you, Ten xoxo_

Yuta stopped and let Ten attack him from behind. He let Ten hit him over the head, around the ears, on his chest, because he couldn't even feel it. Reality was taking its course and he looked dumbfounded. Ten was a nice bright, obvious shade of red. Yuta, almost at a whisper spoke, he said, "You like Johnny?" and Ten squinted his eyes close. Taeyong ran from the gate and asked what was happening. Yuta ripped the note again from Ten, but to his surprise, Ten didn't fight back this time, probably too scared to at this point. Taeyong read the note and more bluntly, he asked, "You like Johnny?" As if there were no reprecussions attached. Ten was ready to cry of embarrassment.

Taeyong pulled Yuta off to the other side of the ambulence and spoke to him, "Isn't that cute?!" He smiled.

Yuta sarcastically answered, "Yeah, adorable. We should all have a picnic by the lake this afternoon. Bring your tea set,"

Taeyong looked disgruntled toward him, "What's the matter with you?"

Yuta spat back, "Our best friend is in there, probably half-dead, and we're here talking about a little crush?! Excuse me but I'd like to see if my friend is alright," Yuta was about to walk off, but not before Taeyong could argue back,

"What, you don't think I'm not worried too?! You don't think that's my best friend too?! I know what it's like wanting to be rid of all of the stress that comes, that's why I've given up on being sensitive. Johnny's gonna be fine, Ten found him after all. Isn't that a good sign?" Taeyong smiled.

Yuta, calming down, had half a mind to smile back but rather, just grabbed Taeyong's hand and pulled him in for a long needed kiss. Yuta, now feeling back to himself, dragged Taeyong back to Ten, who had dissappared from the back of the ambulence.

They moved around back to the front of the house, but this time, Johnny was being moved. on a stretcher. Yuta let Taeyong's hand drop and ran over to open the gate. The two paramedics thanked him as they moved to put Johnny in the back of the ambulence. Taeyong watched in horror as his best friend was being wheeled off to the hospital. "He's gonna be alright, isn't he?" Yuta asked. He got a smile from one of the paramedics, "You should thank your friend over there, any longer gone unnoticed and this would've been a hearse taking this one away." She smiled at Ten from in the ambulence as she closed the doors to the back of it and shouted something to the driver, probably telling him to go.

The three watched as the ambulence drove away, around the corner and the siren faded in the distance. Yuta turned to Ten, "Thank you!" He started crying. Ten was caught in it and started choking up as well. Taeyong just came over to pat the pair of their backs before passing them and looking at the house. He turned to the poilice officer who stood up on the deck, "Can we come in?" He asked. Another popped his head out the door before coming out, they looked at each other and agreed, "Yeah alright, we've got as much evidence as we can for now."

Taeyong took steps toward the house and up the stairs. He passed the threshold and made his way to the kitchen in the back. He layed eyes on the table, not a speck of blood, unlike Ten had described. The police probably took blood samples then cleaned it, thought Taeyong.

He did, however find a note. A note on the kitchen windowsill that didn't look like it was for decoration. Taeyong picked it up and examined it, glossing over Johnny's tidy hand writing, he made out a single drop of blood in the top right corner. He came to the conclusion that this note was on the table with him when he decided to do it. It read:

_To my two best friends...._

_To my first crush....._

_To my lifelong brothers....._

_I love you two, more than I could have told you....._

_I guess it's too late now though....._

 

Taeyong didn't realise that he had read it out loud. Every line in the letter made sense, except for one. The seconds one. He repeated to himself

"To my first crush....." He stood, thinking, "Who?"

 

"That's what I wanna know....."

 

 

.....

**Author's Note:**

> I wanted to try a darker concept. Please tell me how I did.


End file.
